9 Crimes
by Hysteria87
Summary: His summer with Holly J has ended and Eli's with Clare now, but has he moved on? The sequel to Cannonball.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: If I was making any money off of this, I wouldn't be struggling to buy a new car.

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><p>"Hello, fellow Degrassians. Your Madam President Katie Matlin here just wanting to congratulate you all on completing your first day of exams. Your teachers want you to know that it's not too late…"<p>

Eli Goldsworthy tuned out the words that were assaulting him from every speaker and television in the school. His locker held his attention now, his brain being fried from both an English and French exam. The rest of the week didn't look great either; Pre-Cal, Ancient Civ, a short script due for Theater, and Anatomy to finish it all off. Wednesday seemed like ages away, his one day where he didn't have a test.

"Finished for the day. Want to quiz each other at The Dot?" Clare Edwards asked sweetly, leaning against the locker next to his. He grinned lightly at her, her presence being a sight for sore eyes. Eli and Clare started dating again three months before and things had been going well for them. It wasn't as intense as it was in the beginning last time, but Eli didn't really expect it to be. They weren't new to each other anymore, being able to fall into a comfortable routine.

"Raincheck? I have to concentrate to finish this script that's due tomorrow and The Dot is a little distracting," he responded, pulling out his history book from his locker and closing it. He shouldered his bag and the two fell in step, walking down the hall towards the front entrance.

"But tonight's one of the only nights I have free. My mom signed us up to volunteer at every church event this year, and it is a busy time of year," she reminded. Eli didn't need another reminder that he was seeing less and less of his girlfriend as Christmas approached. "Or, you could always come to one of the services, you know, the more the merrier?"

Eli shot her a look from the corner of his eye. Ever since Julia had been taken from him, his faith had completely disappeared, and not even Saint Clare could make him believe again. She had never pushed him to attend her church before, but with the holidays coming up, the subject had been breeched more and more. That was the one thing Eli wouldn't do.

"Okay, I get it. Not going to happen," Clare responded with a sigh, "Have you heard from any other universities besides TU yet?" Eli went over his list in his mind. He had applied to Toronto University as a safe back up and had been accepted already, Smithdale University, Ryerson University, and his long shot. When he had gotten accepted at TU, Clare urged him to go ahead with early decision, binding him to attend. He refused though, saying that he wanted to hear back from his other schools. In fact, he only needed to hear back from one.

"Nothing yet, but it's still pretty early. Most of the schools send out acceptances in January," he explained. His top choice had said that all decision letters would be sent out at the end of November, and yet it was the middle of December and still nothing. He was nervous, but he couldn't show it. Clare had no clue that he had even applied to the school.

"As always, it's great to see you, Holly J. Come back and visit any time you're in town," Principal Simpson's voice came from the doorway of his office. Eli's head snapped around from watching the snow fall silently on the steps of the school. He would have recognized that red hair anywhere, even without hearing her name. The blood started pumping through his veins and his brain felt more awake, even more than it did before exams started. Holly J Sinclair was back. Part of him wanted to run but he found his feet slowing down, needing to talk to her if she would let him. When she left, he didn't see her off like she wished. He just couldn't do it, to be there and watch her walk out of his life. He could only hope that she wasn't angry about it. Clare slowed down her pace with his own, looking over to see what grabbed his attention so quickly.

"Oh, Holly J's back. She must be on her winter break," Clare observed nonchalantly, but her hand still managed to find Eli's by his side, gripping it tight.

"Of course I will, sir. And thank you so much again for helping me with this. I really appreciate it," and Holly J shook the man's hand with a smile. He mirrored her gesture and turned to go back into his office. The red head sighed to herself, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. That was two recommendations down, just one more to go to finish her application for a summer internship. She knew that she should relax this break, like the rest of her classmates, but if she got all of this stuff done and out of the way now, she could relax for the rest of it and start the next semester ahead of everyone. Staying with Fiona this break was going to force Holly J to not work, which was good. She deserved to have some fun.

Holly J slowly turned around, her head lost in thoughts of internships and massages, when she laid eyes on him. His dark hair, piercing green eyes accentuated by eyeliner, the blue polo and khaki in complete opposition to who he really was. Eli was standing just on the other side of the receptionist's desk, an image she had been counting down the days to see. He was paler than he was last time they had seen each other, the effects of the summer on his skin fading. He wasn't smiling and she couldn't blame him. She couldn't smile either.

"Eli…" fell softly from her lips and a shiver went up his spine at hearing her say his name. Four months. It had been four months since he had heard her say it last. It felt good, warm, comforting. "And Clare. Hey, you two," she said, taking a breath and trying to fake a smile as best she could. When he didn't show back in August, it hurt and she spent her first few weeks at university trying to figure out why he would do that to her. Holly J was angry with him but it was a different kind of angry. It was the kind of angry that made you want to stay up fighting with the person all night, the type of angry that showed you how much you really care.

"Hi, Holly J. How's Yale?" Clare piped up, trying to ignore the tension that was forming between the girl and her boyfriend. Eli stood there, frozen, not daring to take his eyes away from Holly J. He was excited to see her again… and completely terrified of what that could mean.

"Yale's nice. Classes are challenging, but not too horrible…" Holly J answered lightly, trying to decide what to do. She wanted to talk to Eli so that they could clear the air once and for all, but this was not exactly how she thought it was going to happen, "Clare, do you mind if I speak to Eli for a moment?" Eli swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, turning his head slightly and nodding to Clare.

"Of course, sure. You allowed me that so…" she started, shifting her bag a little. She gave Eli a warm smile and leaned up, placing a small kiss on his cheek. Eli didn't flinch. Holly J's smile faltered slightly, averting her eyes. "I'll go wait by Morty. Don't be long, it's cold out there," and she turned from the two. They both watched her walk out the doors and down the steps, making sure she was out of earshot before either of them spoke.

"I see they've eased up on the no PDA rule this year," Holly J tried.

"No, they haven't. I don't know why she did that," Eli said, his voice a little hoarse.

"I know why. She's marking her territory, establishing what's hers."

"You make me sound like I'm some sort of prized possession, like I'm a great catch."

"Well, you are, aren't you?" Eli had to look down for a moment, the blush forming over his cheeks. He wasn't, he knew he wasn't. No matter what, he was still damaged goods and no amount of girls fighting over him would change that.

"When did you get back?" he asked, meeting her gaze again.

"I got off of school Friday, but I didn't get into Toronto until last night. I spent Friday and Saturday with my parents in Niagara Falls doing a small Christmas there and then I took the bus from there to Fi's condo," she explained. Eli nodded in understanding. "I was going to call you as soon as I could," she said softly, "I needed to get a few things settled first though."

"What are you doing tomorrow afternoon? The Dot? 5 o'clock?" Eli suddenly suggested. He could stand there forever, just listening to her and gazing at her, but Clare was out in the cold and Fiona was quickly approaching them from down the hall.

"Um, yeah, that should work. Are you sure? I mean, it's exam week and Clare and…"

"It's fine. Clare won't mind," he quickly explained.

"Hi, Eli. Holly J, are you almost ready? The cab will be here any minute," Fiona said as she came up to the two of them, being completely oblivious to the conversation that was taking place. Holly J smiled weakly at Eli and he nodded. The two girls quickly disappeared from his sight and Eli could finally breathe.

She was angry, he could tell, even though she had tried to hide it. It didn't even dawn on him that she would be around. It was December, after all, but they hadn't spoken to each other in four months. He figured that she had made other plans, had gotten a boyfriend or something, and just forgot about it. That thought hurt him more than he would admit, but if he knew that she was happy, then he would live with it.

Clare offered a small smile as he approached the car, unlocking the doors for the both of them. They each slid onto the bench seat, their backpacks wedged between them. Clare was going to ask questions, he knew it, and right now, he wasn't exactly in the mood to answer them.

"So… how was the talk?" she asked. Eli's eyes focused on the road in front of them, concentrating on how to get out of this parking lot without hitting anyone. "You weren't in there very long."

"Fine. I'm meeting her tomorrow at The Dot to talk," he confessed.

"Excuse me?"

"Clare, we both knew this day was going to happen. Holly J and I need to have this conversation. We need to get closure," he said, his tone final. He was not going to negotiate this. Clare would have to deal with it.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not exactly thrilled about it," she said, "I guess it's a good thing I'll be helping with church stuff tomorrow. Text me when you get home from that." Eli nodded into the steering wheel, his eyes wandering to the taxi that was pulling into the parking lot.

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><p><strong>AN: And so it begins. What could possibly happen in four weeks? Why is Holly J staying with Fi? Why is Eli scared of her? Why can't Eli tell Clare where he applied? All these questions and more will be answered so come back every week for the next chapter! And review!**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: If I was making any sort of money from this, would I be working on Black Friday at midnight?

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><p>The day seemed to drag on forever, Eli swearing that the clocks had stopped moving a few times. He needed them to get to 5 o'clock but the one in his room was stubbornly staying at 4:17. It had been like that for at least an hour, at least it felt like it. Eli pulled a hand through his wet hair nervously. The shower was supposed to calm him down but it had done little to help.<p>

He was seeing Holly J today, really seeing her, for the first time since she left. He needed to talk to her, explain his reasons why he didn't show up that day and hope against hope that she would forgive him. If she didn't… the thought scared him. He told Clare that he needed to get closure, but if he was honest, he didn't want closure. He needed Holly J in his life. They had grown so close over the summer and he couldn't just throw that away.

He knew he needed to be careful though. He was with Clare again and just because Holly J was back for a few weeks didn't change that. Flicking through his closet, Eli chose a black v-neck shirt and his black military jacket, dark grey skinny jeans and black shoes. It was slightly reminiscent of what he wore on their first official date and he knew that he might seem a little overdressed for just coffee, but he didn't care. Holly J was special.

Dead Hand pumped through the speakers in his room as he pulled a comb through his raven hair, his signature sweep second nature to him at this point. The clock read 4:35, proving itself working. A touch of eyeliner finished the look. He was ready. Grabbing his wallet and keys, he switched off his stereo and made his way down the stairs.

"You look like you're going somewhere," Bullfrog commented, flicking through the mail as Eli entered the kitchen for a bottle of water.

"I'm meeting a friend for coffee," Eli simply explained.

"A friend," not a question, a statement.

"Holly J is back," Eli sighed, not really wanting to discuss this with his father. Bullfrog let out a hearty chuckle, nodding his head.

"That explains it. Does Clare know you're meeting up with Holly J?"

"Yes, she does and I explained to her that I needed to do this." Bullfrog shrugged silently. Eli really didn't need anyone thinking that this was anything more than coffee. He wasn't doing anything wrong.

"There's an envelope for you," he said as he handed his son the small package. Eli took it and his eyes immediately went to the return address. He swallowed hard.

"This is it," he said, his voice barely above a whisper as he tore open the envelope. Bullfrog watched, a small smile forming as he saw the excitement and pure joy take Eli over. "Dear Mr. Goldsworthy. We are excited to tell you that you have been accepted into the incoming class of 2012 at Southern Connecticut State University! Enclosed you will find the student handbook, a catalog of our course offerings, a guide to financial aid, and a contract for housing. We look forward to meeting you on freshmen move-in day, the 17th of August. Classes start on the following Monday, so don't delay! Congratulations again and welcome to SCSU family!" he read, every word making him happier than the last. "I got in!"

"That's fantastic, Eli! I'm so proud of you," and Bullfrog wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a warm hug. Eli couldn't control the smile that had spread across his face. His number one school, his long shot, had accepted him. "So, are you going?"

"Yes, yes, of course I'm going," he said, laughing. A lot of people, at least the people he had told he was applying, thought that he wanted to go just to be near Holly J, but the program he was going into was fantastic there and it was a great school over all. Toronto was his home and would be forever, but Eli knew that he needed to expand his horizons. He wanted so badly to look over everything and figure out where he was going to live, but the clock on the wall, that once never moved, had started moving too quickly. "And speaking of going, I'm going to be late."

"Don't want to keep the princess waiting. Go, have fun, celebrate," Bullfrog laughed as Eli ran out the door.

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The drive to The Dot was a short one, as always. Eli's mind was buzzing from all the excitement. He wanted to tell Holly J so badly, but he didn't know where exactly he stood with her and if she would take the news well. Clare didn't even know that he had applied and he _knew_ that she wouldn't take the news well. This was one of the happiest moments of his life and he couldn't share it with anyone. Parking Morty across the street, Eli opened the door to the café, feeling the warmth wash over him.

He spotted her instantly, sitting at their booth in the corner, a few papers strewn over the table and no doubt a latte at her side. Holly J looked up when the door opened and smiled lightly at Eli. He signaled to her that he was going to get himself a drink before he joined her. She quickly gathered up her papers and put them back into her bag, making room for him at the table.

"Hi," she said lightly as he sat with a plain black coffee. He offered her a warm smile, still excited from his news from earlier.

"Hey, thanks for coming." Her hair was a little longer than it was over the summer but it suited her. She had dressed in a black pencil skirt and a dark blue blouse, bringing out the color of her eyes. She looked gorgeous.

"It's no problem. The hallways of Degrassi aren't exactly the best place to have conversations," she joked, "So, what did you want to talk about?" Holly J hoped this conversation was going to be a short one. Eli was with Clare now and that had nothing to do with her.

"How are you?"

It was a simple question, but coming from him, it was like handing her a loaded gun. Holly J had been very good at putting on the air that she was okay and she had moved on, but he had hurt her more than any other person before. Her smile slid from her face and she looked at the table, trying to figure out how best to put this.

"Um, well… to tell the truth, Eli, not well."

Eli knew this was coming but he didn't expect it this early in the conversation. Holly J never did like to beat around the bush though. He took a long sip from his coffee, not wanting to say the wrong thing. He leaned his head down, forcing her to look him in the eye. She finally met his gaze and Eli could see the intensity inside of her. His news got pushed from his mind instantly, her pain taking precedence.

"I spent weeks trying to figure out why you didn't show up when I needed you the most. I still have no fucking idea why. After an entire summer together, after how close we had been, you just abandoned me. No goodbye. No calls or texts. The only way I still knew you were alive was because of Facerange. Finally, I just put it behind me and started enjoying school. But then, seeing you with Clare yesterday, it just brought everything back. It fucking hurt… almost as much as when you didn't show up," she spat out. Every word had venom in it, designed to break him down. "Why, Eli? What was so much more important that you couldn't…"

"Because I couldn't watch you drive out of my life. If I would have shown up, there is no way I would have let you get on that plane," he interrupted, his voice a little louder than he intended. The few tables around them got quiet and he swallowed hard, waiting until the chatter picked up again. "Holly J, you were the most important person in my life. I couldn't lose you." He had to make her understand. He couldn't go through losing her all over again. If he had been there, things would have been so much worse for both of them.

"Maybe that moment wasn't about you. Maybe you could have been a bigger man and put someone else's needs before your own." Eli sat back in his chair, dumbfounded. It's not like he felt good about not coming through for her and he didn't really need this additional punishment. Holly J looked down at her hands, blinking back the small line of tears that formed at her lash line. The scene broke Eli's heart. He never wanted to be a reason for her to cry.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you, Holly J, but please understand that I really don't know what I would have done if I would have seen you. It tore me apart when you left. That day, I spent all of it at the statue. Even though I knew you were gone, I hoped more than anything that you would appear on that path and come sit with me in the palm of the hand. I believed that if I sat there long enough, you would show up. I didn't leave my house for a week after that, not until school started. Adam had to tell Fi to not talk about you around me. I had to cut myself off or…" and he couldn't finish the thought. Holly J took it all in, hating that her anger was melting away. It was easier for her to be around him if she was angry. She knew he wasn't happy about the break up, but she never imagined that he took it harder than when Clare screwed him over. She looked at him, sitting across from her instead of next, his shoulders hunched in defeat. The sight scared her and she wanted nothing more than to reach over and hold him.

"It's fine," she said gently after a moment, "It just sucked not knowing why."

"I never meant to hurt you, but I couldn't be there." Holly J nodded softly.

"Just…" and the words got lost in her throat. She took a breath to clear her head and said what came through, "Please, don't abandon me like that again. I need you in my life, Eli."

"I won't. I promise I won't." and he started to reach over to hold her hand, stopping himself and spinning the ring on his thumb instead. That wouldn't be allowed anymore, not with Clare. Holly J didn't miss the gesture and met his gaze, her eyes sad. He couldn't do anything, not even comfort his friend. It angered him to no end. "What were all those papers for?" he breathed, unable to bare the silence that had fallen between them.

"An internship in the summer. I need letters of recommendation. That's why I was at school yesterday," she answered after a long sip of her latte.

"Oh, in New York?"

"No, here, in Toronto. I would be working on a mayoral campaign. I really wanted to be back here for the summer," she explained, a small smile on her face. Even if her and Eli ended up as just friends, she wanted to be near him again, at least for a little bit.

"I'm sure you'll get it. You're the best person I know," Eli said with a smile. Holly J worked harder than anyone he ever knew to get exactly what she wanted. They would be crazy to pass her up. A light blush flowered over her cheeks and she had a hard time suppressing the smile on her face.

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><p><strong>AN: The chapter that just wanted me to keep going and going and going! I seriously rewrote the end about five times over three days. Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVELY REVIEWS! I read and freak out over every single one, so, please, leave a review, even if it's just a short note letting me know what you thought. I also love talking with my readers, if you didn't know, so feel free to drop a line over on my Tumblr! See you guys next week!**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: You should sue Target for taking up all my free time, leaving me with none to sit down and actually think of an original idea.

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><p>People filtered in and out, students needing to get home and finish last minute cramming before the exams of the next day. Yet, the two of them stayed, talking and sharing long after their coffee's had cooled. Holly J showered Eli with stories of freshman debauchery, about how they stole a tray from the dining hall and went dirt sledding down a hill, all-dorm pillow fights, and of course how hard she was working. Eli took everything in and couldn't help but laugh at the images she was putting in his head. He, in turn, told her all about the play he wrote, how he hoped it would be chosen as the spring play, and the comic he was planning with Adam. He wanted so badly to share his good news with her, but he still didn't think it was a good time. He just got back in her good graces, why jeopardize that?<p>

Holly J excused herself for a moment to use the washroom, finally giving Eli a chance to check his phone. He knew it was getting late. Flipping it open, a text from Clare flashed onto the screen:

"Are you home yet?"

The timestamp was for 6:30, almost two hours before. All the happiness of the past few hours drained out of him. How the hell would he explain this? Part of him wanted to ignore it, tell her that he had forgotten that he said he would text her when he got back. A little twinge of anger sparked inside of him at that thought. Clare shouldn't be checking up on him. He said he would text her and she had no reason to not trust him. But, if she was already suspicious, he couldn't very well text her now and tell her that he was just finishing up with Holly J. Oh no, that would lead to more questions that he simply didn't have the energy to answer. Chewing on his bottom lip, he typed:

"Sorry, got home and fell asleep for a little while. How's church?"

No, it wasn't the truth, but right now, it was easier. It wasn't like anything was happening with Holly J that was worth reporting anyway. They were just old friends who were catching up with each other. Still, The Dot was almost completely empty now and Eli needed to do the right thing.

"Boring, but it's almost over. Mom's making me stay to help clean up. The Grade 2's used glitter in their craft. I look like Ke$ha haha," Clare responded. Eli smirked a little and shook his head.

"I would pay cold, hard cash to see that, Edwards."

"Sorry, you know the rules. No boys allowed in the house after 9:30 and there's no way I'm making it home before then :-("

"Yeah, I know. Have fun cleaning up and I'll see you at school," and Eli closed his phone. Clare's mom's rules were a little ridiculous, in his opinion. He wasn't allowed in her room ever and it didn't matter if they were watching a movie on the couch, once the clock hit that magic time, his ass was halfway out the door before he could even mutter a good bye. For some reason, Clare's mom never warmed up to him even though he hadn't done anything to harm Clare ever. It was frustrating to say the least, but it was what it had to be.

"Everything okay?" Holly J asked lightly as she came back to the table. Eli pulled himself from his thoughts, looking up at her. It wasn't much easier when he was with Holly J, but at least she stood up to her parents and led her own life. Clare's family _was_ her life.

"Yeah, of course," he said as he pulled a hand through his hair, "Although, it's getting kind of late. We should probably go." He didn't want to lie to Clare anymore than he already had.

"Oh… yeah, you're right. You have school tomorrow anyway," she responded, smiling weakly. She had been enjoying her time with him so much that she had forgotten that this wasn't the summer and they couldn't just stay out all night with each other, that they weren't together.

"Do you need a ride home?" he asked suddenly as he stood from the table.

"Well, I'm staying at Fi's, so if you don't mind dropping me off there, that would be great." Eli nodded lightly but stopped as the words really hit his brain.

"Wait, why are you staying at Fi's?" he asked as they walked out of the warm café and into the frigid night. Holly J smiled a little to herself as she pulled her coat tighter.

"My dad got a new job that paid better, so my parents had to move to Niagara Falls. I made a deal that I would spend my Thanksgiving and Spring Breaks with them there if I could spend this break up here. The internship application didn't hurt either," she explained as she settled into the front seat, "Oh, I've missed Morty…" and she ran a soft hand over the dashboard. Eli smiled to himself and started up the car, turning on the defroster.

"Bet you don't miss how cold it is here," he joked. Holly J laughed lightly and shook her head.

"No, I don't really miss that, although it's not much warmer in Connecticut. There are some things about this place I do miss," she said wistfully as Eli pulled out from his parking spot, "Like, I missed The Dot. I missed my friends. I miss going shopping on Queen street and the Yorktown mall. Most of the girls wear sweat pants and hoodies to class. I miss dances and having a reason to get dressed up. That's why I'm so excited about Friday." Eli listened attentively, a tiny part of him hoping that she would say that she missed him. A bigger part of him hated that he wanted that. He was happy with Clare; being friends with Holly J changed nothing.

"Why, what's Friday?" he asked, pushing all those thoughts from his mind.

"You mean Adam hasn't told you?"

"Told me what?"

"Friday is Fiona's annual end of exams slash Christmas party."

"Oh, yeah, that. He mentioned something about it last week I think, but I didn't really think much of it. I thought it was mostly going to be Fi's friends and Clare has mass, so I wasn't planning on going," he admitted as he pulled up to the entrance to Fiona's condo. The time always seemed to go too fast when he didn't want it to. Holly J's heart sank a little when he said that he wasn't going to go. She had been hoping he would at least make an appearance so that she could see him once more this break.

"Oh… well, I mean, Adam and Drew are coming, and I'll be there, and I think Sav gets back from school that day, so it's not going to be all Fi's friends. I don't think anyone from New York is coming to this one since Fi is going down there for the actual holiday. It's her first Christmas without Declan. She really wants to be with her family." Holly J tried. Eli caught onto Holly J's insistence but it really wasn't needed.

"Sav? I haven't seen Sav since the summer either. It would be cool to see him too," he mused, smirking a little. It was one party thrown by Adam and Fiona. Holly J was just attending. Clare would understand.

"So, I'll see you there?"

"Wouldn't miss it," he answered. A wide smile spread across Holly J's face.

"Really? I guess I'll see you then," she said as she opened the car door and stepped out.

"Have a good night, Miss Sinclair," and he returned her smile. She closed the door and turned, fishing her key from her bag and letting herself into the building. Waving lightly to him, she leaned back against the closed door and bit her lip, trying to reign in her happiness. If you would have told her 24 hours ago that she would be looking forward to seeing Eli Goldsworthy again, she would have said that you let the eggnog go to your brain. She honestly didn't think that she would ever forgive him, that he could ever charm his way back into her life, but he somehow managed to do it. Taking the steps two at a time, she made her way up to Fi's condo and let herself in, her nostrils being assaulted by cinnamon.

"Whoa, did the gingerbread man throw up in here?" Holly J asked as she set her bag and coat on the couch.

"I'm trying out this cider recipe that I found before the party," Fiona responded from the kitchen.

"I thought all the food was going to be catered."

"It is, but I would like to have something made from scratch." Holly J just shook her head at her friend's party planning. At this point, Fi was an expert in the art of the party, but she always had to have one thing that could go horribly wrong. If she decided to go with this one, it could prove to take down everything.

"Fi, I'm telling you right now, not this one."

"But I only used 10 sticks of cinnamon…"

"Not this one," Holly J said firmly and Fi sighed in defeat.

"I don't even think you can taste apple anymore, to be honest," she admitted, dumping the contents of the saucepan into the sink, throwing up more spices into the air. "So, how did it go?" Holly J coughed lightly, half from choking and half to buy a little time.

"Fine. It went fine," she said plainly, going over to sit on the couch and opening her bag, taking out her papers. The less details she had to give, the better. There was no point in making people's minds wander.

"You guys were there for almost four hours. I'm going to assume things were better than 'fine," and Fi joined her on the couch, pulling the papers from her clutches.

"Don't wrinkle those! I need them," Holly J exclaimed, reaching for her application.

"Then really answer the question."

"I did. It was fine. We drank coffee and talked a little."

"Holly Jeanette Sinclair, I know you're lying. You don't talk a little for four hours unless you were doing something else…" Holly J sat back, slightly offended. Did Fi really think that she would do anything with Eli?

"We talked and it was good. Really good and I was sad that he had to leave. He's coming to the party on Friday. Are you happy now?" Holly J loudly admitted. She hated Fi for pulling it out of her. If she didn't admit it, it wouldn't be real. Fiona blinked at her but didn't return the papers.

"You like him again, don't you?"

She didn't have to answer it. She could just get up and walk into her room, retiring for the night. Fi would leave the papers on the coffee table and they would forget this ever happened. She could silently have her crush and no one would need to know. No one would get hurt and in four weeks, all these feelings could go away once and for all. Holly J had spent the last four months thinking of him, reasoning that it was because she was so hurt by him. She found out today, though, that an apology from him didn't mean nearly as much to her as simply being near him did.

"He's with Clare, Holly J."

"Yeah, I know. I am very much aware that he's with Clare," she snapped. Fiona silently took Holly J's anger, just watching her friend. "Sorry, I just… nothing happened and nothing's going to happen. But, that doesn't mean he and I can't be friends. Besides, it's just a party. We'll hang out, laugh, eat, drink, and be merry. It'll be fine. I'll be fine."

Maybe if she told herself that enough, she would believe it.

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><p><strong>AN: As we all know very well, if it involves the students of Degrassi gathering together in celebration, something has to go wrong…. Thanks for reading, even you, hater anon. So many of you are really amazing and I feel so blessed that you keep coming back and even defending me. See you next week!**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: If you knew what I've been through financially this week, you would pity me. That being said, I don't own Bad Romance, as much as I wish I did.

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><p>The lights had been hung by the decorators with care, the catering set on the long table in the dining room. Cider was simmering on the stove, eggnog and champagne the drinks of choice for those who wanted to be a bit festive, and Holly J Sinclair stood in the guest room, making final adjustments to her dress for the evening. Fiona had insisted that the two of them wear Santa dresses to help give the party a playful mood. Holly J agreed on the conditions that hers was not a cheap, slutty rendition, and Fi came through, finding her a red, mini tulle skirt and a red, fitted, short sleeved jacket that had long, while lapels accentuating the deep V, and a slightly sparkly red tube top for underneath. Holly J had paired the outfit with a pair of white sparkle closed toe heels and a simple, white sparkle headband for her hair, which she put a slight curl into. It was festive and sexy, yet classy, and as long as Fi held up her end, she wouldn't feel too ridiculous.<p>

"Do you have your iPod with the playlist on it? I wanted to have the music going before anyone got here," Fi asked from the doorway as she put in a long, silver chandelier earring. Holly J turned and grabbed her iPod from her bed, handing it over to the other girl. She stopped short at the sight and her face fell.

"What are you wearing?" Holly J asked, a slight bite to her voice. Fiona was standing in her doorway wearing a champagne colored, three-quarter sleeved mini dress. It was gorgeous, yes, but… it wasn't Santa.

"Oh, well, I decided to wear something else. My dress didn't really look as good as it did on the website. But, you look cute!" Fiona explained. Holly J blinked at her, clearly upset.

"Great, now I'm going to be the crazy one in a Santa costume at this party."

"The dress looks great on you and it just looks…" Fi surveyed the girl up and down, trying to find the right word, "Festive. Without the hat, you don't really look like Santa."

"Thanks. I'm glad I don't look like a fat, old man. Do you have anything I could borrow?"

"All my good dresses are back in New York…"

"And I didn't bring any party dresses either," Holly J thought out loud as she sat on the edge of her bed. She had agreed to this thinking that it was going to be cute, like in that movie _Mean Girls_, when they did the dance thing. Now she was stuck looking like some deranged elf, and of course, Eli was going to be there.

"Holly J, it'll be fine. You look cute and not crazy. Besides, it's not like you're trying to impress anyone anyway, right?" Fiona said as she turned from the room, iPod in hand.

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People trickled in, the younger crowd being the first to arrive. Holly J and Fiona played dutiful hosts, getting drinks for everyone and making sure they all knew where the food was. There was an air of exhaustion, the exams of the week taking a lot out of the guests. However, people seemed excited for the party and it being the official kick off of two weeks free from Degrassi.

Eli nervously pulled at the rolled up sleeves of his shirt as he took the steps up to the apartment. He felt overdressed again in a black dress shirt, black vest, a solid dark green tie, and skinny jeans. It was a little different from his usual red dinner jacket, but he wanted to stand out this time. He wanted this time to be special. Holly J would be dressed in her best, he was sure of that, and as long as she thought he looked good, everyone else could fuck off. As he approached the door, he could hear a familiar beat coming from the stereo. He smirked, knowing Holly J had picked it. The door opened and the song became clear, as did the impromptu karaoke that was happening in the dining room.

"_Je veux ton amour_  
><em>Et je veux ta revanche<em>  
><em>Je veux ton amour<em>  
><em>I don't wanna be friends<em>!" Holly J sang her heart out into nothing particular, surrounded by Fiona and Chantay doing the back up and making monster hands. Sav and Adam watched, their faces a mixture of amusement and slight horror. Holly J could not sing, admittedly, none of them could sing, but they were giving it their all. Eli quietly approached the group, not wanting to interrupt the show. The boys both gave him bro-hugs and Holly J smiled through her Lady Gaga impression. Eli only wished he had a video camera to capture it all. It was truly, horribly, embarrassing. As the song came to an end, they boys politely clapped and whistled, the effort alone deserving a standing ovation. The girls each did a small bow and Eli could only smile.

"Well, well, Miss Sinclair, that was… eye opening," he said as he went in for a quick hug.

"Did you like that? We perfected that after Prom just because we were bored," she laughed, returning the hug. She caught the scent of his cologne and it warmed her from the inside. She had missed how he smelled and didn't even know it, "Do you want a drink? We have eggnog with brandy, champagne, hot cider, and the usual sodas."

"Umm, I'll take an eggnog," he responded and she smiled, turning from him and going back into the kitchen. He followed close behind, wanting to reach for her hand as she wove between the other guests so he wouldn't lose her. The party seemed a lot more crowded than he thought it would be. He didn't know a lot of the people but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. The less people from Degrassi who saw him there, the better. He explained to Clare that he was going to the party since Adam had invited them but he was sure that if she heard anything about him talking with Holly J, she wouldn't be happy in the least. It was just going to be easier if he kept things with Holly J on the down low.

"Here you go," Holly J said as she handed him a glass of the creamy drink, "Here's to…"

"New beginnings," he finished and Holly J nodded with a wide smile.

"Old friends…

"And a happy new year. Cheers," and the two of them clinked glasses, taking long sips. The brandy after taste burned Holly J's throat a little, but it was mild compared to some of the stuff she had at school. Eli swallowed his down. It was good, certainly better than he thought it was going to be. He watched her finish hers, his eyes traveling over the curves of her outfit, the little bits of sparkle making her stand out from the crowd around them. "You look gorgeous," slipped out. He opened and closed his mouth quickly, staring down at his glass. He fucked up. It was the truth but it forced him to admit that he checked her out, which wasn't what a good boyfriend did. The comment took her by surprise slightly and she blushed a little. Was that allowed? Could he say things like that?

"Fi was supposed to dress in costume too but fashion won out," she explained, refusing to accept his compliment as anything more than a slip of the tongue. He nodded slightly and took another drink. He had to get a grip. Clare trusted him.

"I'm… I'm going to go find Sav," he said as he took a breath. He couldn't look her in the eye. He didn't want to see her angry, or confused, or, worst of all, he didn't want to see sadness that he caused once again. Taking his glass, he left the kitchen and ventured out among the guests, purposely trying to hide his path so that she couldn't follow. He wasn't really looking for Sav, or even Adam. He just needed to get away from her.

This was going to be so much harder than Eli thought. He had enjoyed their conversation at The Dot so much that it stayed on his brain the rest of the week, even when he hung out with Clare. An intellectual connection was fine; a friendship could be built on that. But now? The flirting? Seeing her having fun with her friends, making a fool of herself and not having a care in the world? She smelled better than anything. And that outfit? He legs were a mile long in that skirt and the top hugged her in all the right places. It was sexy. She was effortlessly beautiful. His hands itched to reach out and touch her and it was driving him crazy. He could remember how her lips felt against his, how she tasted, how she sounded when she let out a little moan as he moved inside of her. Angrily, he pounded his hand against the wall in the hallway. This was impossible but he couldn't leave. If he left, he would be breaking her heart all over again and he couldn't handle even the thought of that. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to be near her. Holly J was too good for him. She deserved someone better than him. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't have her.

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Eli eventually regained his composure and joined everyone once again, being determined to push any thoughts of anything physical with Holly J firmly from his mind. He mingled as best he could, talking with Sav about school and his band he joined, Wesley and Hannah shared about their trip to the Ottawa Science Olympiad, and was even able to hang out with the group Holly J was talking to, making sure to keep his glass of eggnog filled. It was emptying faster than he realized and drinking it became easier and easier, but it was one of the only things that eased his mind around her.

As the clock inched closer to the 2 am mark, the guests started to filter out, Fiona and Holly J doing their duties and making sure everyone got home safe. Drew, Adam, Sav, and Eli milled around, finishing off the last few pieces of bruschetta. Holly J stood at the island, saran wrap in hand, combining trays of food for leftovers.

"Adam, you're staying here, right?" Drew asked as he stood from the couch, stretching.

"Yeah, I told mom, but just remind her if she asks. I shouldn't be home too late tomorrow morning," he responded, watching as Fi politely not-so-politely yawned. She wanted these people out of her condo so she could go to bed finally. Drew nodded and headed for the door.

"Eli, need a ride?" Sav asked, fishing his car keys from his pocket.

"Nah, I got Morty. I'm going to stay and help clean up a little," he said and the other guys shrugged, giving their good-byes. Fiona and Adam gave their goodnights to Holly J and went upstairs to her bedroom.

"You don't have to stay. I've got this," Holly J said, placing a few trays into the fridge.

"It's fine. I'm happy to help," Eli said as he gathered up the glasses from the coffee table and placed them in the sink. He wanted to talk to her again, show her that his comment earlier, although sincere, wasn't anything to worry about. They could be around each other, "Good party. You and Fi certainly make a dream team."

"Thanks, but it was mostly Fi. I just provided the music," she laughed lightly.

"I could tell. Song after song was a Holly J Sinclair anthem," he joked and she laughed, smiling at him.

"You know you love my taste in music. It's the holidays, it can't be all doom and gloom," and she turned to him, biting her lip, "Just admit that you like a punk rock chick with hair just like Rhianna, like a go-go girl who dance like Lady Gaga…" and she grabbed his hands, shaking his arms to get him to dance. Eli smirked but played along, taking a few steps to dance with her. This was the thing that he loved the most, just goofing off with her. She moved them out from the kitchen, heading for the dining room again. They crossed the threshold and Eli stopped her, looking up.

"Mistletoe," he said softly. Of course, he didn't expect a kiss, but he didn't notice it before and he thought it warranted being pointed out.

"Fi must have put it up…" Holly J remarked and she swallowed hard. She could kiss him and get away with it. She had no choice; it was the law of mistletoe. It wasn't like anyone was around to say otherwise anyway. But, if no one was around, they didn't have to follow the rules. Holly J shook her head. This was silly. She lightly placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned forward, her lips at his ear, "Merry Christmas, Eli," and she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. His hands instinctively went for her hips, holding her firmly there in front of him. She was warm under his fingertips and it was like they had memories, curving along her waist. She hovered her lips over his skin, not pulling away, and her breath tickled as she waited for what he would do next. Eli turned his head slightly and swallowed, meeting her gaze. Her body was so close that he was sure she could feel his need for her and their lips grazed, neither of them brave enough to close the gap.

A little voice inside of Eli's head screamed, "This is wrong."

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><p><strong>AN: I love my cliffhangers :D Almost as much as I love my readers and reviewers! Oh, and Fi's outfit was designed by the amazing Steff aka welliguessthisisgrowingupx on Tumblr. Follow her!  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I'm pretty close to actually getting paid for my writing, so if that happens, you can suck it, copyright.

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><p>Holly J couldn't move away from him but she knew that if she didn't, something was going to happen. Eli's fingers gripped her waist a little tighter, her scent making it hard for him to hear the voice in his head. It was telling him that this was wrong, but he couldn't really remember why. She gasped lightly at the contact, remembering how much she liked when he took control. He couldn't deny how much he wanted her and the sound that fell from her lips was just too much.<p>

Eli turned his head and captured her lips, the world dropping from around them. It was like a spark ran down her spine and she kissed him back, four months of waiting and doubt leaving her body instantly. She tasted exactly like he remembered and his heart sped up, the adrenaline coursing through his body. He thought it was only going to be one kiss, just something to get it out of his system, but he knew right away that this was a drug and he was an addict.

Eli took a step forward, pressing her back against the frame of the doorway, running a hand through her silky hair. Her fingers moved to his jaw line in kind as she lightly bit at his bottom lip. The fact that she remembered that he liked that only served to encourage him and he deepened the kiss, his tongue swiping along her top lip. She was completely intoxicating him, his brain shutting down and instincts taking over. Holly J rolled her hips into his own, wanting to take things as far as she would let him. The act was surprising to him. His lips left hers and their eyes met in the semi-darkness. The question hung in the air between them, both refusing to speak it. They didn't need to; they both knew what the answer was. His heart was pounding and her chest was heaving, trying to catch her breath. He could see her flushed cheeks, the blush flowering over her neck and down. She was radiant. Holly J was absolutely beautiful.

Eli lightly pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear and softly kissed her swollen lips again, needing to let her know how he felt. Holly J didn't think this would ever happen again. After he didn't show that day, she had reluctantly written him out of her life. She had told herself over and over again that he was done with her; that he had moved on, that she was harboring nothing more than a crush and it would be over just as soon as it had come up. His slip of the tongue earlier was only because of the brandy and Eli was only being nice. But now, as his lips feathered over the sensitive spot on her neck that he was an expert at finding, he was back in her life at full force, whatever the consequence.

His hand traveled lower, forcing her hips to grind into his own, handfuls of her skirt frustratingly creating a barrier. She steadied herself with his shoulders and jumped up, wrapping her legs around his waist, holding onto him so tightly she thought she was going to break his neck. Eli gruffed lightly at the sudden position change but smirked as he brought both hands to her ass to support her. Going for her lips again, he carried her through the kitchen and down the hallway, finding the guest room that Holly J was currently occupying. He kicked the door closed before depositing her on the bed, crawling over her, needing to feel every inch of her body. Eli ran his hand softly over the strip of her stomach that peeked through and gazed down at her. He knew he needed her in his life but he had no idea how much he still _wanted_ her. The way her soft curls spread out over the pillow, how her blue eyes could cut right through him, her fingers in his hair giving him chills, the fact that her curves fit so perfectly with his own… if it was any other woman, Eli would think that he was dreaming. How was it that he got this lucky, that such a beautiful goddess would want him too? Eli wasn't used to getting the girl and even during the summer, it was her that made the first move. That needed to change. Tonight, he was in control.

His fingers quickly found the button on her jacket and disposed of it, forcing her to sit up to get it off. He kissed her harshly, with a bruising force, and yanked off the tube top, throwing it over the edge of the bed. Undressing her was only turning him on more, since last time, she was already pretty much naked by the time he got to her. Holly J's hands swiftly moved over the buttons on his vest, managing to get through the first layer that separated their skin. He lightly pushed her back down to the mattress but she grabbed his tie, pulling him down with her. She felt him smirk against her lips and she arched her back into him, silently begging to feel his skin on her own. He trailed kisses over her jaw and down her neck, feeling her pathetic attempts at unbuttoning his shirt. Slapping her hands away, Eli sat up between her legs; his eyes seemingly burning her skin as he meticulously surveyed her. The passion burned behind them as he pulled on his tie, taking it off, and making quick work of his own shirt. Her hands instinctively went to glide over his skin, but he took them in his own, pinning them to her sides. If she touched him, he would lose it.

Leaning back over her, he burned a trail over her neck and chest, flicking his tongue over each tiny bud, loving the immediate reaction. Her skin was supple and smooth, her muscles quivering with every small contact, giving her away. She wanted him just as much and her small pants urged him to keep going. Down he went, kissing every inch he could, circling her navel with his tongue. Her breathing sped up, her breaths shallower at the anticipation. The zipper on her skirt slowly revealed more skin for him to touch, Eli feeling like a glutton. It was only her hips, but every part of her excited him and he wanted nothing more than to please her. Soon enough, his fingers hooked over the elastic of her panties, dragging them down her smooth legs and off. Holly J's perfection was laid out for him, an entire world for him to explore.

She longed to feel him again and whimpered softly, running her hand over her body. He was mesmerized by it, watching it slide along until it reached its goal. Her delicate fingers worked, her eyes drifting shut as her most basic instincts took over. Eli's hardness was rough against the thick fabric of his jeans and this visual only served to push him over the edge. The buckle on his belt proved to be easy work and before much longer, his jeans and boxers were on the floor next to her clothes. Eli pulled her hand away, wanting so badly to be the one to give her pleasure, and crawled over her body again, hovering centimeters away. Her eyes snapped open and crashed into his green, the intensity between them so palpable that they could feel it. The only thought in Eli's mind was to tease, to please this divinity beneath him, to make her feel the four months of pure hunger and frustration that she made him go through. His length slid along her opening, pulling a quiet gasp from her lips, one that Eli remembered so well. The look on her face, one of desire and need for him, it was better than he ever imagined.

Holly J's hands tangled in his hair, pulling him down to her, their lips crashing as he pushed inside. Her hips rolled up to meet his own, she welcoming him, as she hitched her legs over his hips. There were no hints of pain this time, only pleasure, and Eli soon set a steady pace for them. Holly J moved her lips away, needing to breathe, but still held him there, forehead to forehead. His breath tickled her cheek and a hand ran down her side, setting every nerve ending alight. It was better than she remembered, the feeling of him with her, the two of them moving as one. Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment.

Eli pushed as deep inside her as he could, needing to feel her all around him, and gathered her up in his arms, ceasing his movements. For a moment, he simply held her. So many emotions were flowing through him. His heart was practically bursting form happiness, he was terrified of the knowledge that she would leave for school again in a few short weeks, nervous that she was going to regret this in the morning, if he was taking advantage like Declan did, confidence that he wasn't, all mixed in with his genuine need for her. Eli needed her more than he ever wanted to admit.

Holding her tightly, her turned them over, forcing her to be on top. His hands traveled down to her hips, holding them still as he thrust up into her. Her eyes fluttered shut, the sensations making light moans fall from her lips. Her hands gripped his shoulders tight, her nails digging in and leaving small crescent shapes in his skin. The pain turned to pleasure for him and he slowed down as she took control. Holly J leaned forward slightly, grinding against him, each thrust building the bliss in her core. The new angle sent Eli's head reeling, the chemicals flooding his brain even more as he felt himself getting close. He cupped her breasts, feeling them move up and down with her rhythm, and he sat up slightly, his lips going for her neck again, biting hard enough to leave a bruise.

That was enough to finish her, four months of pent up frustration being released upon him. The moan that came from her was like music to his ears and the feel of her tightening around him brought him to his own release. They rode out their orgasm together, each finding perfection in the other. Eli's lips moved up her neck, finding hers and kissing her tenderly, arms tangled up in each other, chest to chest, face to face. They each held a new world for the other and they refused to come down.

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><p><strong>AN: Before there's any hate mail or anything, please, please, please trust that I know what I'm doing and where I'm going with this story. I did say that it was going to be darker than Cannonball and this is just the start. Fun fact: last week's chapter and this one take place tomorrow in the real world timeline. I want to thank everyone who reviewed and those of you whom I talked to while trying to write this. I had a really bad week and those of you who supported me are the reason this got done. Thank you.**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: If you were going to sue me, you should wait until I get a new job so that I'll have more money for you to take.

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><p>They sky outside her window was gray and gloomy, bits of freezing rain tapping at the glass. Every so often, she would be distracted from her thoughts when he would grunt and change position. Holly J was worried on so many levels. She was worried that Eli was drunk and that she took advantage of him, worried that Fiona or Adam might have heard, that Clare would find out, that somehow she would be the .01% that the pill didn't work for. But then, he would make a little noise, her focus would shift, and it all seemed okay. Right now, in this bed, it was all okay.<p>

Holly J knew last night was wrong, but she couldn't help feeling happy. Everything just felt so right; the way he kissed her, how he held her, the way they moved together… Even thinking about it put a small smile on her face. After Fiona had managed to get it out of her that she still had feelings for Eli, Holly J had resigned herself to the "friendzone." She always thought that if things became too intimate between them, Eli would stop her. But he didn't. He didn't stop and he didn't give any indication of wanting to stop.

But, what did this mean? Were they back together? She wasn't naïve enough to believe that, especially after what had happened with Declan, but would he take the route she did, falling into regret and pushing people away? She didn't want to lose Eli all over again. They would have to have a talk about this as soon as possible. However, not right now. Right now, it was all okay.

Eli shifted in the bed one last time, realizing that the mattress was too soft to be his own. As his senses awoke, he could hear a faint sigh _A small gasp at his ear as his fingers pressed tighter into her hips _a sweet, musky smell _Her perfume when he buried his head in her shoulder_ leftover cherry on his lips _The gloss she had chosen for the night. _The moments from the night before flooded his brain and his eyes snapped open, Holly J sitting next to him in the bed, the blanket pulled up to her chest with her knees. Her hair was disheveled, her make-up ruined, a small, weak smile on her face, and she still looked…. No.

"This… this is wrong…" he said in hushed tones, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

"Eli, were you drunk last night?" Holly J asked softly, a little scared of the answer. He thought on the question for a moment. Yes, he had had a lot of eggnog, but he wasn't drunk by far. No, this could not be blamed on the alcohol. Slowly, he shook his head as he pulled a hand through his hair. She seemed to take it as a good sign that he wasn't because her smile got wider, more confident. "Neither was I…"

"Holly J, this was a mistake. This never should have happened," he blurted out. Eli felt like a dick for saying it, but it was true. He was with Clare and nothing could happen between himself and Holly J. The force with which he uttered those words took her back a bit. Last night, he moved with precision, never second guessing. This morning, his true feelings were coming out. He wouldn't even look at her. Last night, he couldn't take his eyes off of her and now… the blanket was far more interesting. He was ripping out her heart and he didn't even have the decency to face her. Holly J knew that Eli put on a brave and confident face most of the time, but she never thought he would fall this low. He wasn't even the same guy that she had spent the night with. Last night was a lie.

"Wow…um. I know this isn't… traditionally how things happen but I thought…"

"How could you do this to me?" he asked, finally looking at her, his eyes as cold as steel, "You know I'm with Clare and you still… I never thought you would stoop that low, Holly J." It was like the wind had been knocked out of her. Her? How could he accuse her? He's the one who initiated it, who pushed her against the doorway, who brought her in the bedroom and undressed her. He didn't stop. He didn't want to stop.

"I didn't do anything that you didn't want either!" she said, tears brimming her eyes. Eli just shook his head, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. It was time for him to go. He needed to get away from her, from anyone, and clear his head. He wanted to run so far away. He had cheated. He had cheated on Clare after he knew how it felt, after he knew how sorry she was. She had trusted him. This was a nightmare. With his head in his hands, he knew what had to be done.

"No one else knows about this, got it? Not even Fiona or Adam, no one. This was a one-time mistake. Never again," he said more to himself than to her as he pulled on his underwear and jeans. His search for his shirt was interrupted by the sound of a cell phone from upstairs. Eli's eyes got wide. He had hoped to slip out before anyone else was up. He just couldn't face anyone right now.

"That's Fi's alarm. You have about two minutes to get your shit and get out," Holly J deadpanned. Eli swallowed hard, throwing his shirt back on but not bothering to button it up. Scrambling to find the rest of his garments, they could hear either Fiona or Adam walking around, their voices muffled.

"Where the fuck is my other shoe?" Eli whispered hurriedly and Holly J only shrugged, offering no help to him at all. Fuck him. If he was throwing her under the bus, she was going to drag him with her. The footsteps moved out from the room and into the hallway just as Eli pulled his shoe from under the bed. He ran from the guest room without a second glance, not bothering to put on his shoes, and dove onto the couch, lying across it just as Fiona and Adam appeared at the top of the stairs. Adam rubbed his eyes a little as he started down, squinting to see who had crashed on the couch.

"Eli?" he asked as he bent over the back of it, poking his friend in the arm. Eli feigned flinching and waking up with a start, blinking a few times to adjust to the light.

"Why is Eli on my couch?" Fi asked nonchalantly as she made a beeline for the kitchen.

"Hey guys," Eli said, laying on a groggy tone of voice, "Yeah, that eggnog was stronger than I thought. Holly J didn't think I should drive…" and he sat up, sitting back against the couch. He was trapped until he could convince them that he didn't have a hangover. And, knowing Fi, it was going to be eating a full breakfast with them to prove it.

"Is she still asleep? She's usually awake before I am," Fi said, pouring orange juice into glasses for everyone. She seemed absolutely unconcerned that Eli just invited himself to stay the night, but Adam wasn't convinced.

"I don't know, I guess so," Eli answered, giving Adam his poker face. Adam studied him, narrowing his eyes a little.

"No, I'm up," Holly J lightly said from her doorway, a baby blue silk robe tightly wrapped around her, her hair still disheveled. Eli's mouth went dry as she joined her friend in the kitchen and took a sip of the orange juice. She was refusing to look at him.

"Morning, sleepyhead. Rough night?" Fi asked jokingly and Holly J responded in kind, nodding a little.

"Yeah, I guess I got a little carried away. Everyone had fun though, which is what's important." Eli rolled his eyes slightly but turned it into a fake yawn once he realized that Adam was staring at him again.

"Okay, something's up…" Adam started but a knock at the door interrupted him. Eli said a silent prayer of thanks to whatever deity may be up there for the interruption. He didn't think he could sit through a proper drilling from his best friend. Adam shook his head but got up to answer the door, no one else paying much attention.

"Hey, Adam. Sorry to just barge over like this but… have you heard from Eli at all? I've been trying to call him all morning but he's not answering," Clare's concerned voice came from the front door. Eli visibly stiffened and Holly J's head snapped around, suddenly very interested in the scene going on in the other room.

"Clare! Come in! You're just in time for brunch!" Fi exclaimed, "So sad you missed the party last night. End of night reports that it was one of the best this year." Adam stood aside from the door and Clare entered the living room, a little shocked but relieved to see Eli sitting there.

"What are you still doing here? And why haven't you answered my calls?" she asked lightly, taking a seat next to him. Eli nervously started buttoning up his shirt again, needing something to do with his hands.

"Had a little too much to drink. I thought it best to stay here and sleep it off. My phone must have died during the night. I'm sorry, if I had known you were looking for me, I would have gone home," he said faster than usual, only stealing glances at her as he assembled the rest of his outfit.

"No, it's okay. I'm just glad you're safe. I stopped by your house and Cece said that you didn't come home, so I got a little worried. The roads were slick last night and of course my mind goes for the worst…"

"I'm fine, Clare," he snapped slightly, his nerves shot from everything that had happened in the last ten or so minutes. Holly J watched everything intently, doing her best to keep her face blank, "Sorry, I just… I've been here all night. No need to worry." Clare gave him a slightly hurt look but after a moment, she nodded and took a breath.

"I thought we could go for lunch, if you're feeling up to it," she said, taking his hand in her own and squeezing it tight. He did not return the gesture. "Of course, all of you are more than invited." Eli looked around the room, unsure if he could deal with being alone with Clare, but knowing that being with Adam or Holly J too would be worse.

"No, thanks, I need to get home soon," Adam said.

"Holly J and I had appointments for massages in an hour, sorry," Fi denied for them. Holly J stayed silent, all the will from her body draining onto the floor. It took her everything to not run away from the scene, to not go over to Clare and show her bruises that she was sure were there, to not close her eyes and let a tear slip down her cheek. Instead, she was frozen, ice crystals forming in her veins at the sight of them. She was nothing to him. Holly J was worthless.

"Shall we go then?" Eli asked as he stood up, fishing his keys from his pocket, "Do you mind if we stop at my house first? I could do with a quick shower."

"It was nice seeing you again, Holly J. Sorry I couldn't make it last night, but the next one for sure," Clare said, gripping Eli's hand tighter as they made their way to the door. Eli nodded a quick goodbye to everyone, looking over his shoulder at Holly J. Her eyes were downcast but she managed a weak smile as she responded to Clare out of politeness. Shoulders hunched slightly, Eli could see her stoic mask crumbling and it killed him. This was right, though. He was with Clare. As much fun as it was, last night was a mistake that they couldn't take back. Silently, as he left the condo, he let himself admit that he wouldn't take it back.

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><p><strong>AN: AFewSentances... is seriously uh-maze-ing and this chapter is dedicated to her. She has helped me so much with the last two chapters and helping me follow my gut so that I can write the story that I want to write. I love all my readers so much! Thank you for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I can't help but wonder if the writers have creeped on my page, clicked the links to my stories, and read a little. I guess if Eli stops going for Clare and all of the sudden develops a crush on Holly J even though she's gone, we'll know.

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><p>"You're going to need some good stuff to cover up that bruise Eli left," Fiona said as soon as Adam closed the door. Immediately, Holly J's hand went for her neck, feeling the tender skin just beneath her fingertips. It had felt so good in the moment that she had forgotten that his bites were hard enough to leave evidence. She had always been so careful over the summer to make sure that she was decent before she went out in public. A walk into the kitchen was going to ruin her.<p>

"I knew it!" Adam yelled, "I knew something was up! How could you do that? He has a girlfriend who happens to be one of my best friends, Holly J!"

"Declan on the couch and now Eli in that bed. What's next? What other furniture of mine are you going to have sex on?" Fi pointed out. Holly J covered her face as she sank to the floor, too mortified to even stand anymore. In a matter of minutes her whole world had managed to fall apart around her, her entire reality flipped. "I knew I shouldn't have left you two alone at the party. I knew I couldn't trust you guys."

"This is going to ruin Clare. After she found out why her parents got divorced…"

"I'm dialing the cleaners. That mattress needs to be burned, if you ask me…"

"Adam, please, you can't tell her," Holly J begged, ignoring Fiona's concern over the furniture, "You guys can't tell anyone. Eli and I will come clean, I promise. It was a mistake. Just a stupid mistake." She was shaking from fear. She had managed to lose her best friend's trust, a friend's respect, and the man she loved all in one morning. "Please don't tell her. He hates me now anyway and we probably won't ever talk again." The tears started to stream down her face at that thought. He blamed her for what happened and maybe … maybe it was her fault. Maybe the dress was too sexy or the drinks too strong. Maybe she tried too hard to make sure there wasn't any tension between them that it developed all night. Maybe she was just a bad person. She ruined everything and was going to have to beg for his forgiveness. If there was one thing she knew about Eli, it was that he didn't forgive very easily.

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Beds were intimate inanimate objects. They witnessed both passion and pain, being a comfort when needed most and a landing pad at the end of a day. They provided rest for the weak and feeble, a playground for children and adults alike, and a stage to allow one to let their thoughts spill out into nothingness. This was how Eli currently used his own. These were thoughts that he dare not speak aloud. If he did, it would be admitting things and that was the last thing he wanted to do right now.

Adam had texted shortly after he left Fiona's, saying that he wanted to talk. Eli could only suppose that he knew, either by Holly J or his own observation. So much for keeping this quiet. He couldn't talk about anything. To him, there was nothing _to_ talk about. It wasn't supposed to happen, end of. It was done and over.

But it wasn't, and that's what was gnawing away at him from the inside out. He couldn't drop her if he wanted to. His conscience wouldn't let him. She meant too much to him. They had been through so much together to just throw it all away now. She had picked him back up when he thought that the world was ending. He had seen her at her worst and he still wanted her. Yes, they had had their fair share of rough patches, but they always got through them. But, how could he just go on like nothing happened?

Holly J was a whole other problem. He wanted to hate her, to cut her from his life. He nearly did just that this morning, but a tiny part of him was screaming at him not to. His head was telling him that she had done everything last night with that one goal in mind, that she wore that outfit and spiked the drinks and put up the mistletoe just so that she could seduce him. Holly J was a very capable woman and if she wanted something, she would get it. It didn't matter that he has a girlfriend, she got exactly what she wanted, the consequences be damned. Even if Eli confessed to Clare, it would be him that she would hate forever, not Holly J. Oh no, she walked away from this scot-free.

That tiny part of him got louder at these thoughts, telling him that in his heart, he knew none of that to be true. Holly J was capable, but she wore that outfit because Fi ordered it and she had nothing else to wear, the drinks were for everyone's enjoyment, and she seemed genuinely surprised at the mistletoe. She even faltered when he complimented her. He hated seeing her so hurt this morning. He didn't want to leave the apartment, to leave her to have to clean up this mess. And as much as it fucked with him, he found as the day went on, that he didn't regret last night. Yes, he felt badly about it, that he betrayed Clare and he would lose her trust, but he didn't regret it. Holly J Sinclair was his kryptonite. He couldn't control himself around her and if he was honest with himself, he wanted this. Well, not this exactly, with the cheating and aftermath, but to be like he was with her. Happy. Excited. Lucky. Blessed. Any number of emotions. He felt alive around her, something he hadn't felt in a long time. It wasn't just going through the motions with her and a kiss was never just a kiss. It was more. She made him be more.

If he physically could put his foot in his mouth, the past 24 hours and the words that he spoke would provide enough reason to. Maybe if he hadn't said that she looked gorgeous, none of this would have happened. But it was what he said this morning that shamed him the most. Blaming her. Getting angry with her for something that she didn't do. For something that he could tell she was happy about… until he ruined it with his mouth. Did he really ask her how she could stoop so low? The memory alone made him cover his face with his hands. He tore her apart this morning and walked away. What kind of person did that?

_A sociopath. The kind of person who cheats and doesn't regret it. Me. _She probably hated him now and he couldn't blame her at all. Rolling over onto his side, he tried to push that thought from his buzzing mind. He didn't know if he could live if Holly J hated him. He had to make it up to her, to take back the horrible things he said this morning, if he could even get close enough to talk to her again. If Adam knew, then Fi knew, and Fi wouldn't ever allow him in her condo again, much less let them talk in privacy. If she let him apologize, he could deal with the rest. He could deal with the inevitable fallout with Clare, the endless conversations with Adam, the possibility of this getting public and the invisible scarlet letter that the fellow Grade 12's at Degrassi would provide. It was only a few months until graduation anyway.

Graduation. College. SCSU. The thought had slipped his mind with the present panic currently occupying it. Could he still bring himself to attend in the fall knowing that the girl he used to love is only across town? Toronto was a city big enough for the both of them, but New Haven was a small town. It would only be a matter of time before they ran into each other at the coffee shop, or at a bar, or even just walking down the street. For that thought alone, Eli knew he needed to make sure things were okay between them.

His phone buzzed on his bedside table and his heart did a little leap, hoping before he could stop himself that it was Holly J. Swallowing hard, he flicked the device open.

"Hey, Adam. Yeah, I got your text," he said, a defeated tone in his voice, his eyes closing tightly, "Yeah, I can head over soon. Just… please don't lecture me. I assure you that I already feel like shit."

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry this one took longer than I thought and is a little shorter. I'm hoping now that the holiday madness is over mostly, I'll be able to get on a regular writing schedule again. Also, readers, I need all your good vibes to come my way over the next few weeks as I'm going for an interview for a big girl job! Thanks for reading and reviews are amazing!**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Can I publish this to the Kindle Store? You'll sue me for sure? Oh, okay.

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><p>"Holly J? Hey, are you awake?" Fiona's gentle voice washed over the room from the doorway. Holly J was awake, having barely slept the night before. She had skipped the massage and spent most of yesterday either in her bed or in the shower, doing her best to scrub Eli's scent off of her. She didn't move at Fi's voice, wondering what her supposed best friend wanted. They hadn't spoken since Fi said that she was going to burn Holly J's mattress. The sound of her voice was less hostile now and Holly J decided she could chance it.<p>

"Yeah, I'm up…" she said softly, turning over to face the other girl. Fiona walked slowly into the room, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and studying her face.

"Have you been crying all night?" she asked, trying to keep the sadness from her voice. Holly J shook her head. Tears wouldn't come anymore. Everything had fallen apart so fast. She had been so close last night to calling her parents and begging to go spend the holidays with them. There was nothing in Toronto for her anymore, "Holly J, look, I'm so sorry for what I said yesterday. You're my best friend and I should have been there for you," Fi apologized. Just the fact that they were talking again made Holly J feel a bit lighter, "I'm guessing Eli wasn't so happy either?"

Holly J didn't really want to talk about Eli at all, but she didn't have a choice. He was a part of this and Fiona was smart; any avoidance and she would fill in the gaps on her own.

"No, he wasn't. He's completely blamed me for everything. He thinks I seduced him," she said in a hollow voice. The words made her sick just thinking of them. Was he worth all of this? No, because he would never think that she was worth it. Fi looked at her like she wanted to say something but nothing came out. She only reached over and took Holly J's hand in her own.

"Clare and Eli are Adam's best friends. You're mine and I wouldn't trade that for all the couture in the world. But, no matter which way this turns out, someone is going to get hurt and whoever it is, it's going to be felt by more than them because Adam and I are going to have to pick up the pieces. That's why we got so angry yesterday. Holly J, you're like a sister to me. I don't want to see you get hurt." It never occurred to her that Fi and Adam were caught in the middle, being forced to take sides. Holly J wanted to refute her, to tell her that no one had to pick up anyone's pieces. It was too late though; the damage had been done.

"Fi, I didn't want any of this to happen."

"I know. I know you didn't because you're not that person. I know things just got out of hand and it takes two to tango, so they say. So, how about you stop beating yourself up over it? C'mon, let's get you up and dressed and we'll go to the mall," Fi said brightly. Her optimism and understanding almost brought tears again, relief this time. As long as Holly J had an ally in this, she could face whatever Clare, or Eli, or anyone threw at her.

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Fiona managed to tempt Holly J out of bed with the promise of mushroom pizza and sat her down in the chair in her bathroom, brushing the knots out of her neglected hair and twisting it, pinning bits of it back. It managed to hide the bed head quite well, and with a few dabs of concealer to take away the dark circles from her eyes and the ugly bruise on her neck, Holly J looked no worse for wear. She let Holly J borrow one of her more casual dresses and some thick tights, the girl's own over-the-knee boots with a slight heel finishing the look. Holly J studied herself in the mirror. She looked pretty but not over the top. Fiona really could work miracles on the outside. The inside was going to be much harder to make over.

The girls took a taxi through the gray streets of Toronto. It had been snowing lightly for two days, covering the city in a white blanket. Her bed was the only place Holly J wanted to be. Even with Fi on her side, she still needed a day or two to really get herself together. Her nerves were shot and scenarios kept going through her head, ones where Clare saw her and came at her with an icicle, digging out her eyes for even looking at Eli. A chill went through her involuntarily, one that Fi noticed.

"What happened? Like, how did it start the other night?" Fi asked softly, a little unsure if she wanted to bring this up. Holly J looked over at her friend, scared to tell the truth. If they wanted to keep playing the blame game, it was essentially Fi's fault.

"It was the mistletoe above the entrance to the dining room. We were cleaning up after the party and he was teasing me about my taste in music, and then he pointed out the mistletoe. I only meant to kiss his cheek but then he turned his head…"

"So, it was his fault. He initiated it and then kept going."

"It's both our fault. Yes, he kissed me, but I didn't pull away and neither of us stopped ourselves," Holly J replied, but even that didn't seem like it described what really happened, "I don't know, it's hard to explain. It felt different, in a way. Like we were rediscovering how much we needed each other and our bodies…"

"Okay, ew. TMI. I really don't need to know the details," and Fiona made a face like she was being gagged. Holly J gave a weak smile and turned back to the window, watching as the buildings flew by.

She had finally figured out what was really eating away at her. It wasn't that Eli had blamed her, although that wasn't a good feeling. It wasn't that, with her help, he had cheated and betrayed Clare's trust. It was that, in the moment, when they were together, she felt unstoppable. Untouchable. In love. And he made it seem like he loved her too. That feeling was so far away now, like a dream that slipped further and further away as she tried to remember it. The Eli she thought she knew was gone.

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The mall provided little respite from the thoughts flying around in her head, making it feel as crowded as it was in the shops. Nearly every store was packed to the brim, as to be expected the week before Christmas. Fiona insisted on going into every single one, needing to find a new bracelet to go with this outfit or some perfume for that person. The two had agreed to not give each other gifts this year and instead go in together on the party. With nothing to get for Fi, Eli no longer speaking to her, and having already celebrated with her parents, Holly J saw very little point to being out. She did her best to hide her gloom though, finding a few things here and there to try on to pass the time. She was going to try to fake it until she made it.

A bright red, fitted, sleeveless dress with a skinny brown belt caught her eye the moment they walked into TopShop. It was beautiful, the kind of dress that she could pair with a blazer and wear to an internship or with a nice pair of heels for a night out. It had a keyhole on the back for a little flirtation but wasn't at all slutty. Holly J didn't think she could ever do slutty again.

"Fi, I'm going to go try this on," she called without really looking to see where her friend was. The fabric flowed over her fingers as she carried it over to the fitting rooms, genuinely excited for the first time all day. She was just about to push open the door to an empty stall when a pair of hands grabbed her arm, dragging her in and locking the door. "What the hell?" she exclaimed, "If you wanted the dress, you could have…"

Eli stood in front of her, his hands in his back pockets, his eyes fixated on the ground.

An incoherent noise was all that came from her mouth as she reached for the door handle.

"No, wait!" he pleaded, diving to pull her hand away. As soon as his fingertips brushed her skin, she reeled back, almost like his very touch burned, "Please, Holly J, I need to talk to you."

She backed herself into the far corner of the small room, trying to put as much distance between the two of them as possible. The sight of him made her sick. And apparently she was having the same affect on him because he refused to look at her directly. Brief glimpses showed that he had dark circles of his own under his eyes; whether they were from not sleeping or smudged eyeliner, she couldn't tell. The longer she stood there, studying him, the angrier she got.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" It was a simple enough question she thought.

"I needed to talk to you but I knew that Fi wouldn't let me near her condo again. Adam said that she was going to take you shopping today, so I came here and… followed you, to see if I could get you alone," he explained after a breath, forcing his eyes to meet her own.

"That's not creepy at all," she deadpanned.

"What else was I supposed to do? You wouldn't have answered if I had texted and I know damn well that you wouldn't have come out if Fi didn't make you. It's not like you were scrambling to try to talk to me anyway," he snapped, his temper close to the edge.

"Because last time we talked, you blamed me for everything and then ran out! It's a little hard to want to talk to someone when you think they hate you."

"Well, it can't be that hard because I'm doing it right now!"

"Then talk! What do you need to say to me so badly that you had to lock me in a fitting room?"

"That I'm sorry!" Eli let out, the declaration hanging in the air between them, their eyes matched in intensity. The apology floored Holly J. She was so prepared to be mad at him, to throw back all the anger and pain he had caused, and here he was, once again, prepared to ask for her forgiveness. And this time it didn't take four months. Eli was almost sad that the fight had come to a halt. Even fighting with Holly J made him happier than he had been in months. That thought terrified him. "I'm sorry I blamed everything on you and said those horrible things yesterday. We didn't stop, that's the simple truth of the situation. Neither of us stopped and I don't think either of us wanted to stop. I know I didn't."

The small confession ripped through him, the words making it manifest. He didn't want to stop and he didn't regret that it happened. Eli didn't want to be with Clare anymore. He wanted to be with Holly J. He wanted to close the short distance between them and hold her, sort through the confusion for her, make her happy again. Instead, he stood his ground, not wanting to scare her away. Although, if she ran, he wouldn't blame her.

"I didn't want to stop either," she said in a small voice, "But… if I had known how much of a hell I would be put through with the aftermath, I would have. Fi saw the bite mark on my neck. I had to go through her and Adam together, both of them yelling and crying about tainted furniture and Clare's parents' divorce. Between the three of you blaming me, I started to believe that it actually was my fault, that I had done something wrong. I felt worthless, Eli. I had been used and thrown away. I don't know if you know this, but that isn't a very good feeling."

"I didn't use you; please don't say I used you," he begged, hating himself for how he made her feel, "I panicked when I woke up and could still smell you on my skin and taste you on my lips. When I saw you, sitting next to me, with sex hair and an innocent smile on your face, it was like waking up from the best dream ever and a nightmare at the same time. I had to remind myself that I wasn't waking up next to my girlfriend… and that's what made it wrong. But that's no excuse for what I said or how I treated you and I'm sorry."

Each word made it harder and harder for Holly J to stay mad at him, but as her anger drained out, a new emotion took its place. Apathy. She just didn't want to fight anymore. The apologies were nice and definitely welcome, but she was tired of the seemingly endless cycle of freaking out, screwing up, and begging for forgiveness.

"Come to dinner on Wednesday at my house. Cece and Bullfrog know you're back for break and they really want to see you. I'm sure a home-cooked meal is better than more leftover catering anyway," Eli said, hoping she would accept. It was a friendly gesture with no pretense attached. They could just have a meal, hang out, and talk, like friends.

"I'd like that." It was small but it was a start.

"Wear that dress, if you're going to get it. It'll look nice on you," and Eli went in to give her a kiss on the cheek. Holly J pulled away slightly at his touch, unsure if she was ready to let him in again. He gave a weak smirk and nodded in understanding before he opened the door, leaving her alone with the dress.

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><p><strong>AN: You should totally review because I can't see my chapter reads anymore, so I have no idea if the updates are being read unless someone submits a review. This also took a turn that I wasn't expecting but I like this one better. Special thanks to Steff, Corissa, Rochelle, and Lyssa for all their support. My interview is on Tuesday so by the time the next chapter is up, I might have a new job! Good vibes, thanks for reading, and review!**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Even if you sue me to take this down, it's still going to live in my head.

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><p>Holly J couldn't help but feel odd, standing in the dress that she had bought on Sunday and ballet flats with a coat over it, one hand on the rail and another holding a brown paper bag that had a bottle of what she hoped was decent wine in it. The house parties in New Haven don't really have a wine list, sticking more with beer and vodka. However, she couldn't very well show up at the Goldsworthy's empty handed. Eli kept insisting that he come pick her up, but Holly J reminded him that Fi would be watching like a hawk, so it was just better if she took the bus.<p>

Fi had protested this dinner as soon as Holly J told her what happened at the mall. She kept going on and on about how it was unnecessary, that Eli had apologized and that should be enough, that this was only going to make things worse for them. How things could get worse, Holly J didn't know. It was just dinner with his parents. They would never have a chance to be alone and Holly J wouldn't be alone with him right now anyway.

She got off at the stop closest to his house and started the familiar trek up the street. Each step reminded her of the first time she met Bullfrog, when Clare had cheated on Eli and he called her to help him through it. That was the day she realized that she had a crush on him. The fact that they could talk so easily, could fight with such passion but still need each other after, she hadn't experienced that in a long time. She couldn't help but wonder who Clare would call to find some comfort once she finds out about Eli cheating. Adam? The guy from camp? Someone else? Will she be as destroyed as Eli was or will she have seen this coming? She knew about coffee and the party, but does she know about tonight or how much Eli's been texting? Probably not, and that made Holly J feel guilty. Clare was a sweet girl and she doesn't deserve being lied to, even if she did try to kiss Declan.

Holly J ditched the brown bag in a near-by trashcan and made her way up the steps, knocking lightly on the front door. The was the sound not unlike someone falling down the stairs and the door swung open to reveal Eli dressed in his best black skinny jeans, a gray button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and a Dead Hand shirt underneath. It was slightly amusing. He had dressed up a little for this.

"Hi," he said, a little out of breath from running down the stairs.

"Hey," she responded, a small smile crawling across her lips. He returned the smile, unbelievably happy that she had shown up. When she insisted on taking the bus, Eli was worried that she was going to back out at the last minute. Adam had spilled how unhappy Fi was about this dinner and admitted that he shared some of the same sentiments. To Eli, they were both overreacting. It was a simple dinner, nothing more.

"Are you going to invite the poor girl in? She's probably freezing out there," Bullfrog's voice came from somewhere behind Eli. He blushed slightly and moved out of the way, letting Holly J into the house. She giggled lightly and stepped into the warmth, quietly thanking Eli, "Long time, no see, Princess. How have you been?" Bullfrog asked as he wrapped her up in a bear hug. It took her a little by surprise but she went along, returning it. Holly J never really liked being called "princess," but she didn't seem to mind it when he called her that.

"I'm doing well, how are you guys? I brought a bottle of wine to share," she responded, handing it over. Bullfrog's eyes practically lit up.

"We're good, we're good. Nothing too exciting around here lately," he said, walking into the kitchen. Eli took her coat from her and hung it up in the closet. He was trying to be the perfect gentleman. It wasn't going unnoticed. The pair followed into the kitchen where Cece was chopping up some tomatoes.

"Holly J, I'm so glad to see you again," she said as soon as they all came in. In two steps, her arms were around Holly J and she had no other option than to respond in kind. She knew that Eli's parents had liked her, but never to this degree. They were treating her like she was a long lost member of the family. Eli decided it was probably best to just let his parents have a moment with her and he retreated to the living room, taking a seat on the couch.

"I'm glad to see you too," Holly J said as she walked over to the stove, quickly stirring a pot that was about to boil over, "Is there anything I can help with?"

"No, no, you're the guest. Sit, relax," Cece said, although she looked around the kitchen at everything that still needed to be done. The water was close to being ready for the pasta to boil, the sauce still needed a few more handfuls of tomatoes and to simmer for a bit, she wanted to make a salad, the bread needed to be sliced for garlic bread…

"Really, I would love to help if I can," Holly J insisted.

"Well, if you really want to, you can start pulling off some lettuce and washing it for a salad…"

Eli watched as his mom and Holly J cooked together, each swapping tips and sharing stories. He managed to catch a few words here and there, Yale being thrown around more than a few times. He had had the foresight to tell his parents to steer clear of his college plans, since he wanted to be the one to tell her first. The good thing about his parents was that they generally respected his wishes and let him live his life, making his own mistakes. They didn't pry too much when he came home from the mall on Sunday and asked if Holly J could come for dinner. If they had noticed that Clare hadn't been around for almost two weeks, they hadn't said anything. It was getting harder and harder for them to see each other since it was the high holy season at her church, which was a relief for him. Eli liked Clare, he really did, but… he couldn't take his eyes off the girl who was currently stirring a pot of sauce on the stove, laughing with Cece.

"Uh oh. I've seen that look before," Bullfrog said quietly as he sat next to Eli on the couch. A wave of guilt instantly passed through him and he immediately started to play with his glass of water. What look? He didn't have a look.

"I'm just… watching them cook," Eli retorted softly.

"Yeah… but with the same look on your face that I get whenever I take a step back and watch your mom," Bullfrog looked over at his son sadly, "You've fallen for her again."

It wasn't a question. Bullfrog knew, and probably had known for a while. He was the only one that Eli couldn't hide from. His dad knew him better than anyone else.

"I don't think I ever got over her." Just saying it out loud, however softly, meant something. There was a reason for all this madness, for the excitement even though he didn't want to be, for the anger at himself, for the guilt. The 500 or so miles that were between them for most of the year didn't really matter. It wasn't over, not for him.

"Well, duh," Bullfrog said, "I've seen the way you've been practically tripping over yourself since she's been home. I watched how you mourned her leaving and pushed yourself to deal with it. And I think you're happy with Clare, but you're not better with her."

"What do you mean?" Eli asked. He knew it was true, but he didn't really understand why.

"You know how I knew that I was in love with Cece? I wanted to be better for her. All my life, before I met her, all I cared about was what would make me happy. I hung out with my friends, I liked what I liked, and I did what I wanted. But then I met her, and it became all about her happiness… and I didn't think I measured up. So, I wanted to be better. Smarter, friendlier, I wanted to try new things. I became better for her. With Julia, you started. You became a safe haven and provider for her. I've never seen you care about someone so much. You became better with her. Yes, with Clare, you've worked on your… collecting, but it's not like what I've seen you do for Princess over there. You dress nicer when she's around. You're friends with her friends. And I would love for you to go to TU since it's close to home, but I know you want more for yourself. I want you to go and see a little more of the world. Your mom and I want you to be on her level. We've seen you work your butt off this year to make the grades and get the applications in on time. We also know that it's because of her, but that's not a bad thing. Eli, you're better with Holly J."

The words sank in slowly. He never really realized that he had done any of those things, other than his hoarding, of course. To him, it was just a part of being a good boyfriend. Julia was having a hard time so he wanted to be that person that she could come to. Holly J didn't need him to protect her, but she had asked him to be a part of her life and he wanted that. He never saw it as bettering himself.

"Okay, you two, dinner's ready," Holly J called from the kitchen, a smile on her face that made Eli need to return it.

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The family sat together, the wine Holly J brought being exhausted quickly as they all ate their fill. Holly J found herself having a really good time, being around people who weren't judging her every move. Fi had been pretty good about being supportive, but Holly J knew that she still didn't like what was going on. She didn't know if Eli's parents knew the whole story, but they were warm and welcoming towards her, and that's what she needed right now.

"So, Holly J, do you have any plans for Christmas?" Cece asked as Bullfrog poured them all more wine. Eli was pouting slightly. Since he was not only under age but also driving Holly J home tonight, he was being denied anything to drink. She found it to be a little cute.

"No, not really. I celebrated when I saw my parents and Fi is leaving for New York on Friday. I was just planning on having a quiet day alone," she confessed. Part of the deal with having Holly J stay over break was that she would watch the condo while Fiona was gone. To be honest, she hadn't really thought about Christmas day. Spending it alone seemed much more pathetic once she said it out loud than she thought.

"No way. You'll spend it here with us," Bullfrog said simply and Cece nodded in agreement. The proposition took Holly J by surprise. Spending the holidays together was kind of a big step and here Eli's parents were, leaping off of it for them. On the other hand, she really didn't want to spend Christmas alone and if tonight was any indication, she would be more than welcome.

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to intrude…"

"Oh, it's no intrusion at all! We would be happy to have you. Eli can pick you up on Christmas Eve and you can stay the night, then he'll take you back to Fiona's after dinner or you can stay here again, whatever you want to do," Cece explained. Holly J looked over at Eli, searching him for any objections. He had been a perfect gentleman all evening but she didn't want to accept their invitation if he wasn't comfortable with it. He probably already had plans to spend it with Clare or something.

"You can sleep in my room. I'll sleep on the couch," he said softly. Right now, he loved his parents. Any excuse to see her again, even if it was a family sanctioned event.

"Well, sure, I guess," she laughed, "I would love to spend Christmas with you," The Goldsworthy's cheered lightly and they all clinked their glasses in a toast. Under the table, Eli tested Holly J's good spirits and lightly brushed his hand over hers. She responded in kind, lacing their fingers together. It was decided. She wasn't going to give him up without a fight. Not if he didn't want her to.

xxxxxxxxx

Too soon after dinner ended and the last traces of it were being scrubbed off in the dishwasher, Holly J said her goodbyes to Cece and Bullfrog and climbed into Morty. Eli brought the engine to life and turned a few knobs to start the defrosters. The two of them sat in silence, not sure of what to say. She had had a good time tonight and was excited for Christmas. Eli was a little more nervous. He had come to a decision during dinner and he didn't quite know how to explain it to her. Putting the car into drive, he pulled out of his driveway slowly. It was fairly late at night and the roads were clear, making the trip to Fiona's condo a shorter one than either of them liked. If he didn't know that he was going to see her in a few days, he probably would have gotten lost on purpose. Pulling up to the curb, he parked but didn't turn the car off. They needed to talk to each other.

"**Thank**_I_**you**_need_**for**_to_**a**_tell_**lovely**_you_**night**_something_," they started at the same time, the nervous giggles replacing the silence. Holly J rubbed her hands together, trying to warm them up a little since the heat had just started to trickle out of the vents.

"I'm glad you had a good time," he said softly as he took her hands in his own. His calloused palms over her own felt nice, strong and protective. Her thumb smoothed over the stone of one of his rings.

"I did. I never realized how much I missed your parents. And Christmas is going to be fun. Thanks for letting me come to that," she said, really reaching for things to talk about so that she wouldn't have to get out of the car. Earlier, she was determined to not be alone with him, but now that she was, the thought of leaving him was almost too much.

Eli's eyes met her gaze and his last shred of reality snapped, the final tiny voice in his head that was holding out was silenced. Her kind, sad eyes had pushed him over the edge and there was no coming back from this. In one smooth motion, his lips were on hers. It was soft and gentle; any hint of neediness or lust was lost. There was no selfishness and it wasn't born out of spite or weakness. It was intoxicating but at the same time, everything became so clear. This kiss was for love.

When they finally broke apart, one thing shined brighter in Holly J's eyes than anything else and it chilled Eli to the bone: fear. She was so scared of what this could mean. Was it a good-bye kiss? Were they just further incriminating themselves? Had someone seen? Her heart was beating a mile a minute, half from sheer terror and half from the butterflies in her stomach that refused to die.

"As soon as I see Clare again, I'll end it. I won't lose you again, Holly J."

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><p><strong>AN: No news on the job yet. Hopefully by next week I'll be able to shout it from the (proverbial) rooftops. Thank you so much for reading, even you, hater anon. Corissa, Lyssa, and Steff are my dream team of motivation. Don't forget to review! See you later this week (hopefully with good news!)**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: You = no sue.

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><p>The best night's sleep ever. Well, not quite, as it would have been better if Eli was holding her, but it was close. It took her everything to not walk into the condo last night and squeal from happiness. All her previous apathy had drained out of her. She wanted to do this. She wanted to be with Eli and she wasn't going to let anyone make her feel bad about that. There were just the tiny, little details of the fact that he was still with Clare and that she was leaving for school in a little over two weeks, but they would work through those things. All that mattered right now was that Eli wanted to be with her.<p>

And the fact that Holly J had nothing for any of the Goldsworthy's for Christmas. The holiday was only three days away and with having to go with Fi to the airport tomorrow, today was her only day to get her last minute shopping done. The task seemed easier said than done. She really had no idea what to get any of them. She was thankful, though, that Fi had decided to spend the day with Adam. The thought of having to sneak out of the condo was just too much right now.

The mall was going to be her best bet for finding something for each of them, so after a quick shower and a breakfast consisting of a banana and a diet coke, Holly J made her way to the overcrowded den of consumerism. Her first thought was to get Bullfrog a nice bottle of wine, but since she brought that for dinner, it seemed a little tacky as a Christmas present. But, what else would he like? She knew very little about Eli's parents. Bullfrog was a radio DJ on one of the bigger rock stations in Toronto, he was into concerts and classic cars, and he called her "princess." Cece was even harder. She liked concerts and to cook. Holly J wished she knew them better, but being that she didn't know she was going to be spending a major holiday with them until 16 hours ago, she had to go on what she knew. What do you get someone who likes to cook? A cookbook.

Making a beeline for the one bookstore in the mall, Holly J thought about what kind of cookbook. Something classic, like Julia Child is always thoughtful, but most people had the classics. A lot of the books were "Meals in 30 minutes or less" and "One pan dinners," things that she didn't think Cece would like. Cece was a creative cook and obviously enjoyed cooking for her family, so getting in and out of the kitchen wasn't a concern. The wall of choices that stood in front of her was intimidating, to say the least.

"Holly J, I didn't expect to see you here," Clare said politely, shifting her stack of books slightly. Holly J turned towards the voice, a little surprised to run into anyone she knew amongst the crowds. She couldn't help but notice several anthologies of "The Goon" had made their way into Clare's pile for, she could only assume, Eli. She had to do better than that.

"Oh, hi, Clare. Yeah, just doing some last minute gift shopping," Holly J explained. Clare smiled and nodded, but soon that smile gave way some nervous lip biting.

"Yeah, I was wracking my brain all night, trying to figure out what to get for Eli. I hope he'll like these," and she referred to the comic books. Holly J nodded and smiled. Eli liked comic books, but they were a bit impersonal. They would be something that she should get for Adam, as a friend. They weren't something you got your boyfriend. "I think they'll be good. I'll probably call him tonight to see if he wants to do something. I haven't seen him since last Saturday," Clare explained needlessly. Although, if Clare did talk to him tonight, Eli would break up with her, leaving them free to pursue anything they wanted. "Can I ask you something?" Clare looked around them and moved a step closer.

"You just did," Holly J joked but Clare didn't really go for it, "Yeah, of course. What's up?"

"…Did something happen at Fiona's party?" She asked suddenly, "I mean, do you know if something happened to Eli? It's not like him to just stay over at someone's house without letting someone know and all the next day, he was acting distant." Holly J listened as the alarms were going off in her head. Clare knew something was up, at least that day. Holly J had thought that they were doing a good job, that only Adam and Fi knew anything, but obviously Eli hadn't done as well as he thought. How much attention Eli had paid her over the week, she didn't know, but she could guess that he wasn't as warm towards Clare as he had been, and things were starting to add up.

"No, not that I know of. He was probably just tired. The place didn't empty out until 2-2:30 in the morning and the eggnog had brandy in it. He might have even had a little bit of a hangover. I really wouldn't worry about it," Holly J lied. Now was not the time and this was not the place to confess. She could only hope that Clare bought it.

"I guess. I don't like that he was drinking but at least he was smart enough to not drive. Adam even said that he never saw Eli without eggnog in his hand."

"See? It was just a party. He's fine." Clare nodded but she didn't look like she was done with her line of questioning and at this rate, she wasn't going to let Holly J go, "Anything else I can help you with?" The nervous biting returned before the girl let out a small sigh.

"Is Eli good?" Clare asked, her voice barely above a whisper. The question caught Holly J off guard. Why would Clare be asking about sex with Eli, and why did she need to know? Holly J prided herself with her ability to keep her sex life private, unlike some of the girls at Degrassi. However, it wasn't everyday that Clare asked about sex and she wanted to have a little fun with this.

"Good… at what?"

"You know, good… in bed."

"Well, he's generous with the covers and he doesn't snore, so I would say he's good," Holly J joked.

"You know what I mean. Is Eli good at sex?"

"Wow, little Edwards, that purity ring has gotten a little loose," she teased but she could see how upset Clare was, "I'm joking, calm down. What do you want to know, anyway, and why are you asking me? Are you planning on giving him a memorable Christmas present?" The thought scared Holly J for two reasons. One being that she didn't like the thought of Eli being with another girl and two… Clare Edwards having sex was just wrong and unnatural.

"No, of course not. Eli knows that I'm waiting until marriage, but I know that you two slept together over the summer and the only other girl he's been with passed away, so I just want to know," Clare defended. Poor, sweet, innocent Clare. She had no idea what she was missing.

"He's good. He's great, actually. He knows what he's doing and he remembers what I like. The first time he's gentle and slow, taking his time but after that, he's raw and a little bit dominating, even. He takes control and makes sure you know how he feels. He acts like a man and he makes me feel like a woman," Holly J rambled. Just thinking about it made her want to text in a booty call. He had completely ruined her and she loved it. The nights were getting colder but he knew exactly how to warm her up, the tiny kisses he left all over her body, the way his eyes closed when they touched…

"You guys had sex twice?" Clare said, completely shattering Holly J's fantasy.

"Yeah, over the summer. Once right before you came home and...right before I left," Holly J covered. She was starting to get annoyed with the questioning. Clare didn't need to know these things and the longer they talked, the more Holly J was going to have to lie.

"Eli had said that you guys had slept together, but he never said how many times. I guess I just assumed…"

"Look, you're better off not knowing what Eli can do or how good he is. I'm sure it was different for me than it was with Julia and it'll be different for you. No matter what though, if you're not ready, you're just torturing yourself," Holly J retorted.

"Holly J, I'm sorry if I…"

"You don't need to know about anything that's happened between me and Eli." Clare just swallowed and took a step back, but didn't leave. "Have a good Christmas," and Holly J grabbed the nearest cookbook, going up to the counter to pay for it.

It really annoyed her that Clare would insist on talking with her about Eli in such detail. Besides it just being plain invasive, it was insensitive. As far as Clare knew, Holly J and Eli were completely over… which to her meant that she was over him. But, after tonight, Eli would be single again and nothing could kill that rush of happiness that went through her. Oh yes, Saturday couldn't come quickly enough and with that thought, Holly J left the bookstore and made her way across the mall to La Senza.

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><p><strong>AN: Another week and not phone call. Readers, please send your good vibes and prayers my way. You guys have no idea what getting this job would mean for me, and in turn, you guys. I would have a normal schedule so I could get into a routine of writing. I would have money so that I could get a new computer and no longer have to fear my system crashing and losing everything. It would really just change my life for the better. Anyway, big thanks to Lyssa, Steff, Corissa, and Corinna and to my readers, new and old. Reviews are fresh baked cookies! Positive thoughts for next week!  
><strong>


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Go sue Epic, okay?

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><p>He hated the word, but there was no other way to describe his attitude right now as he climbed the stairs to Fi's condo: swagger. What did that even mean? He supposed it meant confidence, having a feeling that things were going to be good. It was a feeling that came over him whenever he thought about Holly J. It was only heightened by the fact that his parents loved her already. They had spent the last few days running around, getting last minute supplies and decorating the house. He had never seen it this festive. His mom had gone off the deep end, in the very best way of course, and every few hours she would get a wide smile on her face and say something about how nice it was going to be to have another woman around for a few days… never mind the fact that Bullfrog's mom was staying with them too. The familiar door presented itself and Eli knocked, a small smile on his face. It was Christmas. Things were going to be good.<p>

"Hi," Holly J said with a seductive edge to her voice as she opened the door. She was wearing a green dress that was made from some soft, flowy material. It criss-crossed in the front and tied around the waist, hugging her curves. His eyes flicked up to hers, "Do you like it?"

"Wow…" was all he could get out at first. He felt a little guilty. He had tried to dress a little nicer with his jeans, a black v-neck tee shirt with a light gray sweater over it, and a maroon scarf, but he still couldn't live up to how she dressed.

"Wow yourself," and she took his hands in her own, pulling him into the condo and closing the door. His arms immediately found her waist as his lips found hers, drawing her into a slow and tender kiss. She led him further into the living room, walking backwards into the island in the kitchen. Ever since she talked to Clare, Holly J couldn't get the thought of Eli out of her mind. Nipping at his bottom lip, she deepened the kiss, arching her hips into his. His hand wandered down, resting on the soft skin of her thigh. "You know, Fi's gone. We have the whole place to ourselves…" she teased between the trail of kisses she was leaving across his neck. Eli took in a sharp breath as her hand moved up and under his shirt, playing with his belt buckle. It was tempting, so very tempting, and his brain was getting cloudier with every breath she let out.

"Holly J…" he groaned before capturing her lips again, "You don't know how badly I want to, but we need to get going," and he removed his hand from her thigh. "Plus, I don't think Fiona would appreciate us fucking on her kitchen counter," he joked and Holly J cracked a smile. He was right. Fi already freaked out about the bed. If they did anything in the kitchen, she probably really would burn it down.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she responded with a fake frown. Eli leaned over and kissed her lightly on the forehead, forcing her to smile. She couldn't even fake being mad at him she was so happy. Untangling herself from his grasp, she walked over to her luggage, putting on her coat and shouldered her overnight bag. "Here," she said as she held out a large gift bag to him.

"What's this?" he asked as he took it and opened it up. His question was answered immediately. It was filled with presents, all nicely wrapped in festive paper, frilly bows and colorful ribbon. "Holly J, you didn't have to get us presents."

"Yes, I did, and don't worry about it. It's the least I could do for letting me spend Christmas with your family."

"Well, thank you," and he leaned over to give her a quick kiss before they left the condo, making their way out to Morty. Eli took Holly J's bags and set them in the back of the hearse. He felt a little bad at rejecting her advances but he knew that Fiona wouldn't take too kindly to them having another tryst in her apartment. Adam had told him how mad she was, not about the act itself, but the fact that it had happened on her furniture. A firm hand pushed him forward into the back of the car, and before he knew it, Holly J had closed the door on them.

Her lips were on his before he could get out a word in protest. This was a new side to her for him. She had been sweet and demure before, she was submissive and eager last time, but now she was being demanding and taking control, not that Eli minded in the slightest. It was exciting for him. He felt wanted.

"I'm sorry, I just can't really wait any longer," she apologized between kisses, pulling off his scarf and discarding it, "I've wanted you for days and another 20 minutes will kill me." Eli smirked through the kiss, loving the fact that he was on her mind, and had been on her mind, temping her and teasing her. Truth was, she had been doing the same to him ever since they ran into each other at Degrassi, but now was not the time to admit it. Her shoes and his sweater got lost around the same time as she pushed him to the back, having him sit up against the divider wall. Holly J met his gaze as her hand disappeared under the hem of her dress, dragging some back lace over her creamy white thighs. The temperature rose 10 degrees for Eli at the sight.

They were going to do this. They were really going to do this. They were going to have sex in the back of his hearse. Eli would be lying if he said that he hadn't fantasized about this since they day Bullfrog brought Morty home. He never said anything because he always thought that girls would find it to be creepy and morbid, but apparently, if Holly J is in the mood, she doesn't care, and that only made him want her all the more. Now was a horrible time, but he needed to tell her.

Her panties long forgotten, she straddled his lap. This was supposed to be a quickie. She was ready to go and he had barely made any effort to speed up the process. Was something wrong? Was she being too pushy? Did he really not want to have sex with her and he just used needing to get home as an excuse? She tried to lean in to kiss him again but he just turned his head.

"Holly J, wait." Oh no. Oh no. This was never good. She pulled back, sitting up straight, the top of her head barely brushing the ceiling. Eli licked his lips and took her hands in his own, looking up at her, into her eyes. He could see that she was worried and he hoped that she couldn't see that he was as well. He didn't know how she was going to take this but he couldn't let things go on any longer without letting her know. "Holly J… I love you."

Time had stopped. No noise came from outside and the only thing that they could hear was the sound of each other's breaths that neither of them dared to breathe. Those three small words. They could destroy entire worlds and make the weakest man brave. They were the quickest poison and the ultimate healer. They had fallen from Eli's lips and were hanging in the air, waiting for Holly J's next move.

"I love you, too." It defied all her logic but fuck logic, it's how she felt. The two of them had walked through Hell and back a few times and had only come out of it stronger. There wouldn't be anyone else for her. There was only Eli, who was now smiling madly and kissing her. He squeezed her hands in his own before letting them go to unbuckle his belt, sliding his jeans down just enough to allow her access. She positioned herself over him, bending her head a little to have room. She needed to make sure of something though. "No regrets this time?" He was fully aware of what was going on last time and yet, he still blamed her. She wasn't going to go through that again.

"No regrets ever," he said with a smile, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek. With that, she let herself slide onto him, a small breath being let out between them. She took a moment to adjust her footing but soon enough, instinct took over, her hips creating a rhythm. Eli wanted so badly to match it but he didn't want her to hit her head on the ceiling. Right now, her small thrusts were enough to draw him in completely. His hand moved up and tangled itself in her hair, the other one on her hip, grabbing at the soft cloth of her dress.

The simple act of being with Eli provided more satisfaction for her than she ever could have imagined. She had been craving him for days and now, all she wanted was more. She ground herself into his hips, moving in circles and letting her pleasure build up. Her eyes fluttered close and the sight was almost too much for him. The sensations running across her flushed face, the strap of her dress falling to reveal more of her porcelain skin, the light sheen of sweat forming on her chest… he wanted more for her. This wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

"Let's try something," he whispered against her lips, stopping her. She nodded, only half registering what he was saying but agreeing nonetheless. She trusted him. He guided her off of him and moved her so she was kneeling, facing the door. Gently, he moved her hair out of the way and started to press tiny kisses along her neck, down to her shoulder, and across her back to her spine. Eli grasped the tab on the zipper and dragged it down, pressing more kisses to every bit of her flesh that he revealed. He worshipped her and by the small moan that escaped her lips, he was guessing that she liked it. He kissed his way back up, leaning over her more and more until she was on her hands and knees, and positioned himself behind her, gathering the dress at her waist. "I love you," he whispered again into her ear as he pushed inside.

The gasp that she let out was involuntary and Eli was afraid that he hurt her at first, until she started to move against him. It was a new sensation, being in this position. Holly J could feel new things, different things, and they felt good. She couldn't help but appreciate each stroke with some sound coming from her. Eli's mind went completely blank when he felt her around him. Good girls like Holly J didn't fuck like this in the back of hearses. The thrill of being the only one who knew this side of her, the side of her that was willing to be adventurous and get dirty, it was a wonder he wasn't finished already. His mind wandered to thoughts of her in corsets and handcuffs, the slight kink that he enjoyed but was also too embarrassed to bring up.

"Oh, god, harder," she whined and Eli obliged, picking up the pace and pushing any thoughts of her in bondage to the back of his mind. He wanted to test her. A hand left her hip and smoothed it's way up along her curves, gathering all her hair in the palm of his hand. Slowly, he pulled, making her back arch and her head fall back. She let out a low moan of pleasure, obviously liking the slight thrill he had caused. Leaning back over her, he trailed light bites from the base of her spine all the way up as he buried himself deep inside her. His name spilled from her lips as her walls tightened around him, the few hard thrusts sending her over the edge. It took all her strength to keep her arms from collapsing from under her as the chemicals flooded her brain. Pain was pleasure. And this was better than any she had had before. Holly J turned herself around and kissed Eli hard, biting at his bottom lip with enough ferocity to bruise it. He had given her so much and now it was his turn.

Her soft lips closed around him and that was it. Eli was a dead man. It was already too much that he had gotten to fulfill one of his fantasies while creating many, many more in his mind. But, as she ran her tongue along the sensitive vein, all his willpower had drained out of him. She wrapped a free hand around the base and used it to stroke him while she worked the tip, being encouraged by the small noises escaping him. He wanted so badly to put his hand on her head, but he always thought that to be too demeaning, so he settled it on her shoulder. She reached up and laced her fingers with his, moving his hand up to her head. She managed to set a pace and as Eli got closer to his own climax, he grasped at her, pulling her hair once again. The moan that came from her throat set him off, Holly J finishing him with her hand.

He didn't realize that she had found the roll of paper towels that he kept back here until she was halfway done cleaning up. Eli felt horrible for not warning her but it had come so quickly, he didn't even really know. Stopping her, he kissed her sweetly, loving how her hair was messed up and her dress was wrinkled, how her lipgloss was ruined and the tiny trail of bite marks up her back. He loved how down to Earth she was and her spontaneity. But, most of all, he loved her, just who she was, just the way she was.

After they cleaned themselves up a bit, the two of them drove to Eli's house, Holly J sitting in the middle of the bench seat, the both of them too loved up to care how late they were. He parked in the street and helped her get her bags, kissing her in the cover of darkness in front of his house. Holly J could see the lit Christmas tree through the window in the front and it warmed her from the inside. Before Fi knew she was going to New York, she had talked about decorating the whole condo in silver and white, right down to a fake designer tree. Holly J didn't know how Christmas was celebrated in Saint-Tropez, but in Toronto, a real, green, family decorated tree was far superior. Eli led her up the steps and opened the door, bringing her inside.

"Holly J, you're here!" Cece exclaimed as soon as Holly J's shoes hit the rug. The house smelled of cookies and cinnamon and there were mismatched strings of lights everywhere. Even the banister of the stairs had the stockings: Mom, Dad, Elijah, Nana, and a new one, Holly J in gold sparkles down the front. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her.

"Merry Christmas, Princess," Bullfrog greeted with a hug and Holly J responded in kind while Eli took her presents and set them around the tree, "My mom is staying with us, so we had to change up the sleeping arrangements. I don't think you'll disagree to having to share with Eli for the night?"

"I have no problem with that at all," She said with a smile.

"I don't even know why I'm here, anyway," a cranky voice came from the living room, "Benesh, this isn't even our holiday." Bullfrog turned slightly red and went into the kitchen.

"Benesh?" Holly J asked softly.

"Congratulations, you now know Bullfrog's real name," Eli laughed and led them into the kitchen to join everyone else.

"Elijah, you and your girlfriend come here and let me get a good look at you," Nana Goldsworthy demanded and the two of them made their way into the living room, standing in front of her. She was a little old lady, in her mid-70's, but she looked much older and worn from life. But, her eyes were bright green, like Eli's, and they still had some spark left behind them. "Skin and bones, skin and bones. Kids today are nothing but skin and bones. Cecelia, what are you feeding him? Are you one of those crazies, what do they call them… vegetarians? During the war, we ate what we got and we were happy about it," she criticized as she poked and prodded them with a bony finger.

"Nana, this is my friend, Holly J," Eli introduced, doing his best to ignore the old woman's stabby fingers. Holly J held out a hand to be polite, which went ignored.

"Yes, I know, your girlfriend that you are sharing a bed with before marriage, sinning in the face of God," Nana mumbled, "Benesh, if you are going to invite people to stay, you really should make sure everyone has their own bed. I didn't raise you like that."

"Ma, it's fine," Bullfrog said as he poured himself a drink. Holly J couldn't help but notice that Cece was on her second.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Goldsworthy," Holly J tried but it was no use. The woman was off on some other tangent about living in sin and how none of this would have ever happened if her dear, sweet Benesh hadn't gone against the old ways. It didn't take Holly J long to figure out why Eli had such a lack of faith in his life; Bullfrog had it drilled into him by his mother since Day One. She even started on about how Eli didn't have a Bar Mitzvah so how did he possibly know that he was a man? Nana Goldsworthy was enough to make anyone need a drink so it was no surprise when Cece offered Holly J a glass of wine.

"Please," she responded, wondering if Christmas with the Goldsworthy's was really such a good idea. After about a half hour or so, Nana decided that 8:13 was far too late for her to be up and went up to bed, leaving the four of them in peace. It turns out the Eidel Yablunsky was born in Poland in 1935 and her family went to England to avoid religious persecution. She grew up there during WWII. Her older sister went off to work and she never saw her again, but she always sent back what little money she could. When she was 20, she met and married William Goldsworthy, and within a year they moved to Canada, where they raised two girls and a boy: Elizabeth, Benesh, and Miriam. William passed away from cancer about five years ago and ever since, Eidel would spend Hanukkah with Elizabeth or Miriam and a modified, non-denominational Christmas with Bullfrog. She didn't especially like it, but every year they invite her and every year, she says yes. She never even acknowledged that Julia existed, so for her to poke Holly J was a huge step forward. She probably wouldn't even come down until after the presents were opened and they were having breakfast, and they said that she usually lightened up considerably after she makes sure that everyone is being fed.

"Just don't worry about her and relax. We're happy you're here," Bullfrog finished after he emptied his glass. Knowing where that little old woman was coming from eased Holly J a bit. She still seemed kind of senile, though. Eli tried to stifle a yawn but it was no use. It wasn't very late, but previous activities had worn him out.

"Baby boy, you should get to bed or else Santa won't come…" Cece said with a smile.

"Santa? Really?" Eli deadpanned. Cece obviously knew he was too old for Santa, but she still liked to pretend.

"Yes, Santa, now you two get a move on, go!" Cece demanded and both Eli and Holly J stood from the table, wishing the parents goodnight.

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><p><strong>AN: So, I didn't get the job, but it kind of came as no surprise. That interview process was extremely difficult and it just didn't come together for me. Oh well. Anyway, Thanks to Steff, Corissa, Lyssa, and Corinna for their encouragement, patience, and excitement. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I do read them and I love all of them. They are what keeps me on track and makes me want to get a chapter out every week, so leave me one after you read! Even anonymous reviews are appreciated. See you next week!**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Tax returns are super cool.

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><p>The sun shone through the window, using his Union flag almost like stained glass, throwing colors onto the floor. A few posters here and there had changed, the corner by his computer had new flyers for plays and books, a stack of university pamphlets stood where Clare's father's watch used to be, but other than that, Eli's room hadn't changed since the last time Holly J had woken up in it. She wanted so badly to crawl out of bed and flip through the pamphlets to get some idea of his post- high school plans. He had been strangely silent on the matter, not even asking for any application advice or voicing concerns about not getting in anywhere. He had to have heard by now, at least from one. Maybe he had, probably from TU, but didn't really want to say anything. After all, in about two weeks, she would be going back to the States and he would be left here. The thought of reuniting and leaving every break for the next four years was depressing… but she would do it this time, if he still wanted it.<p>

Eli rolled over and let his arm drape across her chest. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought that he was trying to cop a feel. Actually, she did know better. Holly J rolled onto her side towards him and his arm curled around her back, bringing them chest to chest.

"Mmm… morning," he mumbled as he buried his face into the crook of her neck, trying to block out the outside world. How was it that she always smelled so good? She didn't even have on a particular perfume or anything, just her bare skin was enough.

"I think you mean Merry Christmas," she replied in equally hushed tones, softly stroking his hair. He pulled back slightly, looking her up and down, remembering the little black negligee she had chosen as pajamas. Smirking, he met her gaze again.

"Merry Christmas to me…" and he pulled her closer, capturing her lips. This morning was so much better than just over a week ago. No one was freaking out or yelling in whisper, no tears threatened to spill over, there was no need to hide. He was with the girl that he loved. There was nothing better than this.

"Knock knock! Merry Christmas, you two…oh," Cece started as she opened the door, holding two stockings and completely interrupting them. Holly J pulled away quickly and hid her choice of pajamas with the covers, "Sorry, I didn't know…" and she knitted her eyebrows in confusion, "I thought… never mind. None of my business. Anyway, here are your stockings and we're ready to open presents whenever you guys are," she finished in a cheery tone.

"Thank you, Cece," Holly J said politely, leaning forward to grab her stocking. Eli was less happy about his. Just when things were getting good, it all had to stop. "Oh, wow, these are really nice," she said as she examined a pair of black, suede gloves. Eli unearthed a new, leather-bound copy of _1984 _and they both got more candy than they would ever need.

"Do you like them? I wasn't really sure, but I figured that Connecticut gets pretty cold," Cece said.

"I really do. Thank you," Holly J said and she swung her legs over the side of the bed, standing to give Cece a hug. It wasn't exactly a secret at this point that Eli and her were back together, and she had already seen the worst of it, but Holly J did take a moment to grab Eli's robe off of his closet door before heading downstairs. Eli slipped a shirt on and followed the ladies down, still not entirely happy with the interruption.

"Merry Christmas!" Bullfrog greeted as they came into the living room, he already picking his presents from the pile under the tree. It was almost as if he was a kid again, too excited but being forced to wait for everyone else, "Come on, come on! Jesus isn't getting any more born!"

"Benesh! I heard that!" Nana yelled from the kitchen as she prepared breakfast.

"Ma, get in here and open a present," Bullfrog yelled back.

"No."

"C'mon, ma."

"No son of mine talks to me like that. If your father heard you, God rest his soul…"

"Ah, fine. Open yours whenever," and he dove right in, ripping the paper from his first gift. Everyone else took that as a sign to start and the entire Goldsworthy family, minus Eidel and including Holly J, tore through their gifts. Eli had gotten a record player and come classic 45's, Bullfrog even handing down some of his more precious records like The Clash, The Cure, and The Rolling Stones.

"Devil's music," Nana commented, which seemed to make it that much more appealing to Eli. Some shirts and new jeans rounded out his haul from his parents. After seeing what Clare got for him, Holly J had decided on a nice leather journal and a bottle of cologne.

"I love it, thank you," he said and the smile in his eyes said the rest. Holly J's other gifts went over just as well, the new Pearl Jam _20_ DVD for Bullfrog and Guy Fieri's cookbook for Cece. In turn, they gave her a bottle of nice wine (way better than the bottle she brought for dinner) and a beautiful red scarf. Everything was just about done when she noticed that Eli hadn't gotten her anything. Of course, he didn't have to get her anything, after all, things had happened so fast and he probably didn't have a chance to go out to the shops, but it still seemed odd.

"Breakfast is ready," Nana called from the kitchen, her voice certainly more chipper now that the main part of the holiday was over. Holly J stood and thanked Cece and Bullfrog for her presents, deciding that she wanted to change her clothes before settling into breakfast. She climbed the stairs to Eli's room and went in, digging out some clothes from her suitcase. It was bothering her that Eli hadn't gotten her anything. What did this mean? They were together, right? It was silly, she knew, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she had somehow overestimated what she meant to him. Clare had said that they were going to hang out and Eli had said that the next time he saw her, he was going to end it. He even said that he loved her last night. So, why didn't he get her anything?

"Mind if I come in?" Eli asked softly, closing his door behind him. Holly J gave a weak smile and just went on dressing herself, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just…kind of miss my parents, that's all," she lied. A present was too much pressure to put on the relationship at this point anyway. Eli didn't really buy it, but he knew she wasn't in any mood to talk about what was on her mind.

"Well, I hope that this will cheer you up," and he went over to his night stand, taking out a small box that was wrapped in shiny green paper with a small, silver bow on top. He handed it over as he took a seat next to her on the bed, placing a small kiss on her forehead, "Merry Christmas, Holly J."

"Thank you," and she lightly kissed him. He hadn't disappointed her. Of course he hadn't. Eli wouldn't do that to her. She eagerly tore the paper, revealing a thin velvet box, and she opened it. Inside was a silver bracelet; three strands of chain, each on decorated with charms of locks, keys, angel wings, and hearts. One of the locks had a small 'EG' engraved in it while one of the keys had 'HJS' on it.

"I hope it's not too cheesy. I saw it and thought that you would like it, so I had it engraved. I've never found someone that I can open up to so well, who knows everything and still doesn't judge…" and she interrupted him, capturing his lips again. How did she ever go four months without him? It wasn't right, not being with him. Eli was thoughtful and kind, he only wanted to make others happy, and even when he was tripping over his words, he knew the right thing to say. And right now, in this moment, as he helped her put the bracelet on, she could see in his eyes how much he cared. He had thought about this gift. He wanted to make sure it was perfect.

"I love you," she said softly, meeting his gaze.

"I love you too."

xxxxxxxxx

The day was fairly uneventful and relaxing, everyone eating a full breakfast and sitting together, looking at family pictures while either _A Christmas Story_ or _Elf_ provided background noise. Holly J heard "You'll shoot your eye out!" so many times that she lost count, but she didn't mind in the slightest. Just as Cece said, Nana was in a much better mood once she made sure everyone had their fill of breakfast and immediately got started on dinner. She even put Eli to work, making him help her bake some cookies for after. It was Holly J's turn to watch him for no reason. Eli was a good guy. He helped his grandmother, loved his family, and was all too happy to share that with her. It was like she was already family. Nana's cooking was nothing short of amazing and it was a wonder that Eli was as skinny as he was. Everything was going so well that it was a bit of a shock when there was a knock at the front door.

"Who could that be?" Cece wondered out loud as she helped gather the dishes, wrapping food for leftovers.

"No idea," Eli responded and he walked to the door, opening it. His heart stopped dead in his chest at the sight.

"Merry Christmas!" Clare said, her cheeks rosy from the cold and a smile that shone through the darkness. She stepped through the threshold and into the warmth before he could stop her. Her gloved hands held onto a gift bag, decorated in red and green, a present for Eli.

"Merry Christmas…" Eli said as he let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. She pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly to her, the wool of her coat itchy against his arms. This was bad. This was very bad.

"I don't have a whole ton of time. We're going to my grandma's for a week and I needed to drop off… Holly J." The red headed girl emerged from the kitchen, needing to see what her ears already confirmed, "What are you doing here?"

"I should ask you the same thing," Holly J said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Clare was the last person Holly J thought she would be seeing today, and with her arms wrapped around Eli, nonetheless.

"I'm here to give my boyfriend his Christmas present," and she emphasized the word 'boyfriend.' Holly J's eyes snapped over to Eli. He didn't think… what were the odds that Clare… but it was all too late to go over in his head. Holly J knew. He hadn't ended things.

"Cece and Bullfrog invited me to spend today with them," Holly J explained, taking a step closer to the couple. She didn't know who she wanted to hurt more.

"Clare, I have a present for you too," Eli said with a little too much enthusiasm in his voice. Untangling himself from Clare, he went over to the tree, grabbing a small package from the back that Holly J never noticed. She couldn't help but wonder if she was the only girl getting a bracelet from Eli this Christmas.

"That's funny, you never mentioned that when we ran into each other at the mall the other day…"

"I didn't mention it because I didn't think it was appropriate for what we were discussing," Holly J threw back. Clare went silent but still glared at the other girl.

"Who's this?" Nana asked, poking her head out. Eli was thankful for the distraction.

"Nana, this is Clare, my girlfriend," he said, his voice a bit hollow. Clare forced a smile and nodded in her general direction.

"Girlfriend? I thought Holly was your girlfriend?"

"It's Holly freakin' J…" but Eli shot her a look. Now was not the time to be correcting his grandmother with her preference in name.

"Holly J is just a friend." Nana rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"I don't understand you kids, walking in last night with your sex hair and living in sin and then saying she's not even your girlfriend…" The reaction was instantaneous. Eli and Holly J both were mortified, all the blood rushing from her face. Clare just looked like she had been stabbed in the heart.

"MA!" Bullfrog yelled, pulling her back into the kitchen to leave the three of them alone. Eli shook his head, muttering barely comprehensible words that were along the lines of "She's senile" and "Doesn't know what she's talking about."

"Eli, can I speak to you alone?" Clare asked, her voice straining to keep itself steady. Eli nodded and swallowed, chancing a glance at Holly J. He could see how angry she was, how, again, he had thrown her under the bus. How he was making her question the words that he spoke last night, in the hearse, just before they made love. He had never been more ashamed.

"I'll be upstairs, packing my things…" and she pushed past Clare, taking the stairs two at a time. They watched her feet disappear before turning to each other again.

"Should I be worried, Eli?" Clare asked, her voice urgent, her knuckles flexing on the handle of the gift bag. He didn't want to hurt her. He never wanted to hurt Clare. Now was his chance. Now was the time to end it, to stop hiding and lying, to start over with Holly J. Eli raised his head, looking into her blue eyes, coming face to face with the pain he had caused her in the last few minutes.

"No. You don't have anything to worry about. Nothing has happened with Holly J."

He was worthless. He was lower than the scum that gathered under the car tires this time of year. But, he just couldn't do it. He couldn't ruin her Christmas. He couldn't rip out her heart like that. He knew it was only digging himself in deeper with both girls, but not today. Not now.

"Why didn't you tell me that she was here for Christmas? I wouldn't have gotten mad," Clare said as the relief spread throughout her body. Her grip on the bag loosened, her face softening. She believed him.

"I don't know. I guess because we were both so busy I just… forgot," he lied, "Her parents are in Niagara Falls, Fi's in New York, and no one should be alone on Christmas. I'm taking her home soon and she goes back to school in two weeks. I probably won't see her again before she leaves." As the words fell from his lips, he dreaded them more and more. He needed to see her. He needed to spend every day with her until time ripped them apart again. He needed to fix this. How could he fix this?

"My mom's calling me," she said as she pulled her phone from her pocket, "I need to get going. I guess I'll text you this week and I'll let you know when I'm home," and she took a step forward, kissing him softly. It had been so long since he and Clare had actually kissed, he almost forgot how they felt. It was different. It didn't hold the same passion and magic that his kisses with Holly J held. She smiled lightly as they pulled apart and Eli gave her the gift as she left. He watched as she got into the waiting car, waving from the doorway. Closing it, he turned and faced the stairs.

"I want to go home," Holly J said plainly, her suitcase next to her at the top. He nodded and pulled on his coat, hating himself inside. Eli had no idea how much she had heard, if anything, but whatever it was, she had seen him give Clare the gift. She had witnessed him denounce her as anything more than a friend to his family, after giving her that bracelet that had disappeared from her wrist. He couldn't blame her. He would probably find it in his trash in his room, thrown away with old school assignments and used tissues. She carried her suitcase down and pushed past him, going into the living room to thank his parents. Always so polite, even in the worst of times.

The two of them walked out to Morty, Eli slipping her suitcase in the back, much like before. Only this time, there was no gentle push from behind. She sat in the car, facing the window, refusing to even look at him. He sickened her. This whole time, she thought that Clare was a thing of the past, was led to believe that he actually gave a shit about her, that he actually loved her. No. Silly Holly J, always thinking that Eli was the one for her.

If only he could explain himself, maybe she would see why. But, as things were right now, there was no talking anymore. There was no hope, no love, no glory. There was only the silence that pressed on his chest, suffocating him. The moon shone through the frosted glass, silhouetting her. The sight took his breath away, in a completely different way. As much as the pain he had caused Clare in those few short minutes hurt him too, it was nothing compared to this. He wanted to kill whoever did this to her, whoever made that silent tear run down her cheek. He would kill himself if it made that tear go away.

He pulled up to the curb by Fi's condo and Holly J immediately hopped out, going to the back and getting her suitcase. Eli shut the engine off and got out too, following her as she ran up the stairs. He really didn't know why, but he couldn't leave her like this.

"Go home, Eli. I don't want to talk to you," Holly J yelled at him as she opened the door to the condo, trying to shut it on him, but he was too quick. The suitcase got dropped in the living room, it bursting open. Collateral damage at this point. She ran to her room, trying her best to get away from him. He had done enough today. He had done enough. They were done.

"But I want to talk to you," he yelled back, trying to keep pace with her. The door slammed in his face just before he reached the bedroom, "Please, open the door and let me explain."

She would not. She was done with explanations and begging for forgiveness. He had cheated on her. There wasn't a difference between her and Clare at this point. Both of them had been used by Eli for his sick, twisted pleasure. He had looked her in the eye and told her that he loved her, while telling Clare that he wouldn't see her again after tonight. The very thought of his deception made her nauseous.

"Fine, then listen through the damn door, if you must," and he took a breath, determined to just let the words flow, "Tonight was the first time I had seen Clare since I told you I would end things with her. I was just as surprised as you were when she showed up. She texted me two days ago and asked if we could go to The Dot, but I was helping my dad and I couldn't or else we wouldn't be here. I meant every word I said to you. I love you and only you, Holly J. But, I am breaking Clare's heart, and I'm sorry if I don't take that task lightly. She deserves to be told in person and I wasn't about to do that to her on Christmas. So, I'm sorry if things aren't progressing as quickly as you hoped, but I need to do this at my pace. Just know… that you have already won," and he stood from the floor, his eyes threatening to ruin his calm exterior with tears, willing her to open that door. If she opened the door, then it would be okay. They would be okay.

Holly J sat, her shoulder and head leaning against the door, her hands shaking. "I love you, Holly J," she heard from the other side, and then footsteps, slow at first, faster as they got further away, and a door opening and shutting.

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><p><strong>AN: If you were ever waiting to give a review, this is the chapter to do it. Speaking of chapters, there are only FIVE left! See you next week!**


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: After yesterday, this is the least of my pirating concerns.

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><p>It was frustrating, maddening even. He felt bad about what had happened on Christmas, it effectively ruining the day for both Holly J and himself, but, damnit, he wasn't wrong here. Okay, he was a little wrong. He shouldn't have told Clare that he wasn't going to see Holly J again, but he wasn't wrong about what he told her after he chased her into Fi's condo. Clare did deserve to be told in person, and Christmas wasn't the day to do it, and he did need to do this at his own pace. Still, she was mad, so of course, he wanted to fix it. He just didn't know how to yet.<p>

The Dot provided a distraction for him. At least, it wasn't his room. Eli pulled up to the familiar café and parked on the street, jogging slightly to the door. It was the coldest day yet and the place was packed, people needing something to warm them up from all their post-holiday shopping. Sitting at the counter, he nodded to Spinner, the two of them becoming better acquaintances during the school year. Eli didn't even need to order at this point, Spinner knew that he wanted a black coffee with irish creamer. Pulling out the journal Holly J gave him, Eli set to work on writing everything down, hoping a revelation would hit him in the process.

"I hear those things are good, but talking is usually better," Spin said as he wiped down the counter. Eli lifted his head from the page, considering the offer.

"You want to know what's going on?" he questioned.

"Yeah, why not? I've probably been through it before, believe me." Eli slowly closed the journal and took a sip from his coffee. He started with how he started dating this girl after Holly J went off to Yale and did his best to catch Spinner up, without revealing anyone in the situation. Spinner probably wouldn't judge, or at least keep his judgments to himself, but Holly J wouldn't appreciate it if he told one of her friends about the mess they were in. He didn't even know how it got to this point, spilling everything out to Spinner Mason of all people. It had been building inside of him for weeks now though and anyone that Eli would normally talk to was too close to the situation. He knew Spinner would listen as long as he kept buying coffee.

"So, let me get this straight: The girl you're with, you're perfectly happy with her, she's been there for you through everything...but you're in love with your ex?" Spinner laid out, actively playing the part of bartender therapist.

"There's a little more to it, but that's the basic gist of the situation," Eli said, his voice low. He didn't really recognize any of the faces surrounding him, but gossip spread like syphilis at Degrassi.

"What's the deal with your ex?"

"She says that she loves me too." Spinner leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. Eli didn't like being surveyed like this. He could practically see the cogs turning in Spinner's mind, forming the questions that Eli was dreading answering.

"Can I ask…has anything happened between you and this ex?" he said, trying to hide his amusement and topping off Eli's drink.

"And then some," it was all Eli cared to reveal, but he knew Spin got what he meant by the way his eyebrows raised in mock surprise.

"So, how _is_ Sinclair in the sack?" Eli nearly choked on his drink. "Oh, come on. I witnessed you two making out on my couch over the summer and I'm able to put two and two together. Don't be embarrassed, I'm proud of you. Someone needed to tame her." Eli just glared at the guy. It wasn't embarrassment, although he wasn't really one to advertise his conquests. Hell, it took Adam forever to get it out of him that he and Holly J had slept together the very first time, and that was only because Drew was asking for advice. He didn't like hearing another guy, even though he knew it was completely plutonic, talk about her like that. Holly J was his.

"Aren't you married?" Eli shot back.

"Yeah, but I'm not the one who's cheating on their girlfriend. I just asked a simple question," Spinner retorted. To hear it like that hurt a bit. Cheating, actively. It was no longer that he had cheated on Clare that one night, he was cheating on her. He hadn't stopped. He couldn't stop, "Look, when I found out that Jane had cheated on me, it wasn't the act that made me angry, although that didn't help. I got mad because she kept it from me for months and wasn't going to tell me. I had to overhear her talking about it with your ex. If it had just been the act, if she would have come clean when it happened, I probably would have forgiven her. The hiding, it made me feel like an idiot, like she thought that I was stupid and wouldn't notice anything. Chances are that your girlfriend knows something is up but doesn't want to face the truth. You have to come clean the first chance you get, dude."

The words absorbed into Eli's brain. He knew all of this from the start, that he should have told her the day that they went to brunch. She wasn't stupid, far from it, and she had to know that Eli's heart wasn't with her anymore. He wished she were in town right now so that he could do it while Spinner's advice was fresh, while he had some courage.

"Hey, man, what can I get you?" Spin asked as someone walked into the cafe.

"I'll take a tall skim macchiato and a grande pumpkin spice latte, to go, thanks," Sav ordered as he walked up next to Eli at the counter, "Hey, how's it going? I haven't seen you since the party."

"It's fine. Could be better, but that's how it is. Yeah, I know, when do you go back to school? We should hang out," Eli greeted.

"The 16th. Yeah, just let me know when you're free," Sav said as Spin handed him two cups.

"What are you guys doing for New Years Eve? Above The Dot is throwing a party if you're interested. Dry for the minors but who knows, maybe I'll have an after party at my place again," Spinner explained.

"Yeah, sounds cool," Eli responded. He hadn't even thought about plans for New Years yet. He was hoping that he would be spending it in bed with Holly J, catching his breath as she begged for more, but at this moment, it seemed out of the question.

"Possibly, I'll let you know, but I got to go," Sav said and he walked out of the cafe, the cups warming his hands against the cold. Holly J hadn't said that she wanted coffee in her text, but he knew her too well. She wouldn't refuse, just like he couldn't refuse when she asked to hang out. Deep down, he still wanted to be friends with her, even after the break up, and now was his chance. Alli was angry at him for it, all of the sudden having a vendetta against Holly J this break. Clare had been coming over to their house more and more as Eli's availability became less and less and Alli seemed to have it in her head that it was because of the redhead, which didn't make any sense, but that was his sister for you. Sav refused to take sides in any of this, partly because Eli was his friend and partly because no one knew exactly what "this" was except Eli, Clare, and possibly Holly J. It did get to him that Eli would treat Clare like that, if he really was avoiding her like Alli thought. Any guy would be lucky to have her and he didn't think that Eli knew just how many guys would be lining up to date her if she were single. Climbing the stairs to the condo, he knocked on the correct door, doing his best to not spill.

"Hey, I got your text, what's up?" Sav said as he stepped through the threshold. Holly J closed the door behind him and led him back to the couch where she had all her internship application papers spread out. She had neglected them ever since the hurricane known as Eli stormed back into her life.

"Nothing much. We just haven't hung out in a while," she responded, trying her best to put on a happy face, gratefully taking the drink he offered. She had been miserable at best since Christmas. She knew that she had no real reason to be mad at Eli and that his speech was from the heart, but she couldn't help but feel a little betrayed. She had slept with him again under the belief that he was single and he did nothing to stop her, to set the situation straight. To her, that was a bit underhanded.

"Um, okay… sure," was all Sav got out. Holly J could tell that he wasn't really convinced. She couldn't blame him. The two of them barely spoke after they broke up, then the summer didn't do them any favors, and then she was so concerned with Eli that they only got a few words in here or there. It was a shame though. Sav was a good guy and any girl would be lucky to have him.

"What do you think about Clare Edwards?" Holly J asked. The question had been nagging at the back of her brain, lying dormant for over a year, since Clare had her crush on Declan. What was it about her that had these guys practically falling over themselves for her?

"I don't… I don't really know… she's nice, I guess," Sav tiptoed around her question, "She's my sister's best friend, she's smart, she's pretty in that innocent way… Why are you asking this, exactly?"

"I just… don't get her," was all that Holly J offered before she sipped on her drink. Sav wasn't being as helpful as she thought he would be, but it wasn't like she was friends with K.C. or the other nerdy kid with the glasses who seemed to worship her. She wanted things to be done between Eli and Clare and she couldn't figure out why he would be hanging onto her.

"You like Eli, don't you?" he said plainly. It was too exhausting at this point to put up an argument so she just nodded, "I knew it. You were so obvious at the party, HJ."

"How was I obvious, exactly?" She didn't think she was obvious at all. They hung out like normal friends that night.

"Can I get you another drink, Eli? Do you like my dress, Eli? Here, watch me dance with my friends as my skirt goes higher and higher. Come here, Eli, I need to whisper something in your ear while pressing my tits up against you," Sav mimicked and Holly J could only hit him with a pillow to shut him up, "Seriously, Drew and I weren't in the least bit surprised when he was the last to leave. I think if he wasn't with Clare, he would have taken you in the middle of the party," he added bitterly at the end. The bells started to go off in her mind: Sav's disdain for Eli being with Clare, his hesitation to tell Holly J what her really thought, the compliments…

"You like her? Like, like her, like her?" Holly J exclaimed as she tucked her feet up under her on the couch, getting more comfortable. Sav took a long drink from his coffee before answering.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" but he refused to meet her gaze.

"You do to! Savtaj, she's Grade 11!" The thought was criminal. She was his sister's best friend, dating one of his friends… the list could go on and on in her mind, "Please tell me that this is a recent lapse in judgment."

"Hey, she is nice, my parents like her, and she really cares about the people in her life. She helped a lot when Alli went missing, that's about the time when I first noticed her…"

"Excuse me, we were dating then."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't like I acted upon those feelings now, did I?" he threw back. She knew that he was referencing her night with Declan but the words hit a little too close to her present situation, "When she left for the summer, I pushed all of that out of my mind and let the feelings die. But when I started coming home on the weekends and breaks from school, I would see here around the house, just so happy, asking to hear stories from the dorms and things like that… all those feelings came back. She's with Eli though, so I just have to wait," he ended with a sigh. Holly J smirked a little, recognizing the cycle all too well. It just meant one thing to her though: someone would be there to pick Clare up after all of this was over.

"You know, it's kind of funny. You and Eli have very similar taste in women…"

"Me and Eli? How about you and Clare? You dated me and then Eli, Clare dated Eli and maybe me one day…"

"But I never dated that K.C. kid, who's with Jenna, who had a crush on you…"

"Please don't mention that…" and he covered his face in embarrassment.

"And Clare had a huge crush on Declan," she pointed out. It was kind of scary how much she and Clare swapped men. Well, swapped wouldn't be the right word. Holly J usually saw them first and Clare just picked up the leftovers.

"That's one big love triangle there, but it's all because you and Clare share men like they're lip gloss or something," he said, "You might want to work on that, HJ"

"Hey, it's not like it's intentional. We just both have similar taste."

"Yeah, and right now it's Eli that everyone wants, who is going to the New Year's Eve party at Above The Dot, if you're interested." This did interest her greatly. She wanted to talk to Eli, to clear the air over what had happened at Christmas, and really wanted to spend New Years with him. It would be their fresh start.

"Don't worry, you'll get your chance with Clare. Just be patient," she replied, reaching over to give his hand a friendly squeeze.

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><p><strong>AN: This chapter is whole-heartedly dedicated to Corissa. Feel better soon!**

**Did anyone get to Party with Degrassi! I was at the Chicago one and got VIP! It was so much fun!**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I would steal something a little more quality than Degrassi. Oh snap!

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><p>Fi's closet had been thoroughly raided by the time Saturday came around. Luckily, the girl had left a good amount of her clothes and she was a bit taller and thinner than Holly J, giving every dress an opportunity to be just slightly too short and tight. She didn't mind in the least and she decided on a dark blue Herve Leger bandage dress that was sure to turn a few heads. Tonight was the beginning of a new year and with it, a new Holly J.<p>

Holly J paired it with her while sparkle pumps from the Christmas party and Eli's bracelet. She had decided to forgive him, due mostly to his speech. He genuinely seemed surprised when Clare showed up and he was right, he needed to do this at his own pace. She knew that if the tables were turned, he would wait for her. It did seem a little odd that he was so completely broken over the summer when Clare kissed the guy from camp, and now he was doing far worse to her and not batting an eye. Of course, Holly J didn't know the complete story and the dynamic between himself and Clare, but she suspected that the big difference was that he and Holly J were in love whereas the guy didn't mean anything to Clare. At this point, Clare didn't need to know every dirty detail. At this point, all Eli had to do was end it, but with them going back to school on Monday and she leaving in a week, it probably wasn't going to happen.

Opting for a taxi, she rode to the Dot, stepping out of it and getting in line. Alli and a few friends were closer to the front of the line, gossiping and taking endless pictures. The party was already in full swing. Spinner had sprung for a DJ and hung lights all around, throwing colors all over the walls but keeping an adequate amount of shadows for more private matters. She paid her cover charge and greeted Peter, who was playing bartender for the night and ordered a drink. It looked like most of the minors from Degrassi were here, an easy way for parents to feel safe about what their child is getting up to tonight and for Spinner to turn a profit.

"Can I… talk to you for a second?" Eli's voice came out of nowhere. She turned her head over her shoulder and her eyes watched as he moved in front of her. He had decided on a black dress shirt, red tie, and a grey blazer with his black jeans. He looked nice, really nice. Not overly fancy but like he had made an effort. He was nervous and he spun the ring on his thumb absentmindedly. She nodded lightly and he visibly relaxed, wrapping an arm around her waist and leading her away from the crowd a bit.

They stood in front of each other while Crystal Castles blared over the sound system. Robert Smith's lyrics only served to make Eli angry, the irony of the song not being lost on him. A few weeks ago, this might have been his theme song, but now, they were in love. Just standing here, looking at her, he didn't seem worthy of her. He was just a little boy who couldn't control himself or his emotions compared to Holly J. Bullfrog was right, he wanted to be better for her. He needed to be better for her, and that started right now.

"I'm sorry for what happened at Christmas. I should have told you that I was still with Clare," he said after taking a breath. There would be no grand gesture this time, only his words could save him now.

"Eli… you were right," The words nearly knocked him back into the wall. He was never right. He hadn't been right this entire time, "This is between you and Clare and I need to respect that it is going to take some time. Christmas would have been a horrible time and I don't think I could love you as much as I do if you would have done that to her. I don't want you to be with her anymore but I don't want you to be cruel either," Holly J reasoned out. The fact of the matter was that Eli probably wasn't going to break up with Clare and she needed to live with it. They loved each other, but it just wasn't meant to be. Right now, all she could do was enjoy tonight and whatever time they had left together.

"So, are we okay?" he asked, taking a chance and meeting her gaze.

"Well, I'm not thrilled by the fact that you didn't tell me you weren't single and still had sex with me…" she said as she moved her arms over his shoulders, his hands instinctively going for her hips.

"Hey, in my defense, if an extremely hot red head pushes you into the back of a hearse and climbs on top of you, you do not say no." She just giggled and leaned her forehead against his.

"Yeah, we're okay," she finished as she brushed her lips against his. They shared a delicate kiss, both craving for more but knowing that this was extremely dangerous to be doing out in public, no matter how much dark cover they had. People were moving around them, congregating in groups and taking pictures to document the night. They weren't as alone as they seemed.

"There better be more of that for me at midnight," Eli whispered, his hot breath heavy against her neck and his fingers gripping her, trying to feel her skin under the tight fabric of the dress.

"Of course there is," she purred in his ear and he almost dragged her out of the room. He just wanted to be near her, to be able to do what they wanted in public without fear of consequence, and this party was not going to provide that. It was easy to forget during their private moments that even a lingering glance at each other could damn them. "But not now. We have to go be social, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Eli said as he stole another kiss from her, this time letting it be everything that he wanted it to be. The colors danced behind his eyelids, the lights becoming their very own fireworks, and he could see the spark go off, a white light blinding everything else. This is what Holly J did to him. She made him see fireworks where there were none.

"Come on, let's go say hi to Sav and Adam," she said with a smile. Eli gave her hand one last squeeze before he dropped it as they moved around a group of girls all gathered around a camera and exposed themselves to the light.

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><p>AN: A shorty, but not insignificant. Three chapters left...


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I am now the proud owner of a Girl on Fire costume, but still don't own this.

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><p>"So, explain to me again why you are here at my house instead of with your boyfriend, after you haven't seen him and barely heard from him for a week?" Alli asked as she opened the door for Clare to come in. It was their last day of freedom and not that Alli didn't love hanging out with her best friend, but Clare had been spending an awful lot of time around the Bhandari house this break.<p>

"I told you, he has a project to finish up with Fi at The Dot before school starts back up tomorrow. We've already made plans to see each other tonight," Clare calmly explained for the 50th time as she walked in, setting her purse on the couch. It had been a long week for her, splitting her Christmas between her father and mother then going off to her grandma's to celebrate with the whole family. She was anxious to see Eli again but she knew that he wasn't as studious as her when it came to homework, so this theater proposal got pushed to today. She didn't really mind though. It allowed her time to unpack and catch up a little before school got in the way.

"Are you sure he's with Fiona and not with Fiona's best friend?" Alli prodded as she brought her computer over and set it on the coffee table. Clare knew that Alli wasn't entirely convinced that Eli could be trusted when it came to other women, although there was no precedence. He wouldn't cheat. He didn't have it in him.

"Alli, I trust him…"

"But do you trust her?"

It was a simple question, really. Holly J was a good person and there was no reason why Clare shouldn't trust her, but after their chat in the bookstore where Holly J conveniently omitted that she was spending Christmas with Eli, it was a little suspicious. Clare accepted that the two of them were friends and respected that they had a past; even working past the fact that when she had come back from camp last summer, Eli said that he loved Holly J. Still, there was this gnawing at the pit of her stomach, like she was missing something. Why didn't Eli go home after the party? Why did Holly J have to go upstairs to get her things? Had she stayed the night, in Eli's room? And what Eli's grandma had said was hard to shake, even if she was a senile old woman.

"She spent Christmas with him and she didn't tell me when I talked to her two days before," Clare blurted out. It felt good to know that she wasn't paranoid or crazy, that this situation with Holly J and Eli was weird and had gone on long enough.

"Whoa, hold up. She spent Christmas with him? Did he get her anything?" Alli asked.

"Yeah. He said that it was because Fi was in New York and Holly J's family was in Niagara Falls or something. I don't know, but either way, he didn't tell me she was going to be there, which isn't okay…"

"I guess that makes sense. It's not fun to be alone on the holidays, but still, did she have to pick your boyfriend?"

"Seriously. He said that she leaves soon though and he probably wouldn't see her again."

"And has he?"

"… I don't know." The two girls just sat on the couch, staring into their hands. Something wasn't adding up somewhere. How would Eli know that Holly J was going to be alone for the holiday? Clare supposed that it could have come up when they had coffee or at the party, but then why did Eli feel responsible to remedy the situation? And then this past week, Eli said that he had been hanging out with Adam a lot since Fi was gone, but even that seemed a little too convenient to have Holly J join in. Okay, maybe she was being a little paranoid.

"Look, I'm sure he hasn't. Sav hung out with her earlier in the week and he said that he saw Eli at The Dot, nowhere near the condo. I'm sorry I put these thoughts in your head," Alli reasoned out. She could see the slight panic in her friend's eyes fade away. The situation wasn't right but there was nothing they could really do about it. Eli and Holly J were friends, as much as it disgusted Alli.

"Right, yeah. Like he said, she leaves at the end of the week and then things can go back to normal," she convinced herself with a breath, "Anyway, how was New Years Eve?"

"I can't believe you missed it! Above the Dot threw a party, three dollars to get in and dollar drinks all night. There was a DJ and lights and everything! Here, let me show you the pictures on FaceRange," and Alli opened her laptop, clicking onto the first picture, one of her and a few friends from school, in the line to get in.

"Who all was there?" Clare asked as they flipped through the pictures, making comments here and there. It looked like it was a pretty fun party, not as fun as Fi's but still a good time. Clare was a little sad that she missed out on all the social activities this break, her family needing to come first. It was the first year with Darcy back and her parent's split so she knew things were going to be different, but it seemed a little unfair how much they had monopolized her time.

"Dave, Drew, Sav, Adam, Chantay… you know, the usual people. A bunch from school, some I didn't recognize. Spin invited some of the Smithdale group since he said he was having an after party or something," Alli said as she clicked on a picture with a group of girls all lined up, showing off their various fashions for the night. The flash was far too intense for the small space and all the girls just ended up looking like ghosts, the shadows of the background all be being eliminated.

It was subtle; Clare wouldn't even have noticed it if Alli hadn't stayed on the picture for so long, but it was still unmistakable. The gnawing in her stomach stopped, the feeling immediately turning into nausea and her blood running cold. Eli… her Eli, the nice but dark and mysterious guy from her English class last year, the very same Eli who was crushed when she went to camp this past summer and kissed that guy, with his hands on that redheaded slut's waist, his lips on hers. Her own lips were pulling up at the corners into a smile, her snakelike arms around his neck so that he couldn't get away even if he wanted to. Obviously, an intimate moment that they probably wished to keep confined to the private shadows, exposed by a shitty camera.

"Was… was Eli there?" Clare asked, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible. As each second passed with that image on the screen, her pain turned into anger. Pure anger. They had lied to her. She trusted him. He knew how worried she was and still…

"Uh, yeah, I think. I thought I saw him hanging around Sav a bit…" and Alli's eyes followed Clare's to the screen, it taking a minute to register, "Oh… Oh my god." Clare was practically shaking. It scared Alli a little. This was a side of Clare she had never seen before. KC had flirted with Jenna a little, but he at least had the decency to break up with Clare before he started things with her. Eli was blatantly making out with another girl, a girl he had a history with, in a public place. And, from the looks of it, it wasn't the first time they had been in this position. She looked _very_ comfortable in his arms; their bodies pressed together so tightly that they couldn't even see what color tie Eli was wearing. It was their worst suspicions confirmed. They weren't missing something; Eli and Holly J had been hiding it.

"He's at The Dot? Then… we're going to The Dot," and Clare grabbed her purse from the couch, Alli not far behind.

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><p><strong>AN: Sometimes fireworks are just flashbulbs… see you next week.**


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I'm writing my own novel. Ha ha.

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><p>The cool wisps of the season pushed a fair amount of people inside, searching for refuge with a hot drink. Many of the kids there were just trying to enjoy their last day of freedom, a few finishing up last minute assignments that were long forgotten over the holidays. A table towards the middle had four people sitting around it, various papers and mugs littered across it. Adam was finishing a packet for English while Sav sat behind him, bothering him every so often to ask an opinion about a song. Fiona and Eli were huddled together next to Adam, pouring their collective brains out over their outlines for their theater production while Holly J sealed her fate into various envelopes.<p>

"So, what exactly is this play going to be about?" she lightly asked as she set the very last one on the table, sitting back and sipping on her latte.

"It's a retelling of the classic story of _The Scarlett Letter_, with a man being shamed publicly for his choice in lover," Eli explained, knowing that the irony wouldn't be lost on her.

"Wow, art imitating life much?" Adam interjected and Fi just rolled her eyes.

"That's what's going to make it brilliant. There's something to be said about writing from first-hand experience," she defended for Eli and he just smiled at her.

"Make sure to let me know when it's performed. Maybe I can come up for it. It sounds interesting," Holly J said. Eli looked over at her and smirked but something caught the corner of his eye. Clare was practically running down the street, her curls bouncing underneath her hat, Alli trailing behind her. She violently pulled open the door and come into the café, the cold air sucking the warmth from the room. Eli's smile slowly fell as each step brought her closer to their table, the anguish plain on her face.

"How could you do this to me?" Clare asked harshly, not bothering to ask for privacy. Her eyes bore into Eli's and a thousand questions of his own flew into his brain. What was she talking about? Had she found out about Holly J or was this about something simpler, like the fact that he had invited Holly J and Adam to come to The Dot too rather than her. There was an uncomfortable shifting in his stomach that he tried desperately to ignore. For once in his life, he had to play dumb.

"Do what?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm. He could tell by her face that she wasn't up for playing around. The voice in his head was telling him that she knew, that somehow someone had talked, and he really didn't want to do this in front of everyone, "Clare, why don't we go somewhere and talk about it…"

"No, I don't want to go anywhere, I want to get everything out in the open right now, because apparently I'm the only one who has no idea what's really going on," she threw right back as Eli stood from his seat. The entire café came to a hush, every attention being paid to the table in the middle, "I'm going to ask you one last time and you better have the right answer. Is there anything going on between you and her?" Clare asked with a forced calm that was terrifying in it's own way. Eli swallowed hard, his eyes following her arm down, ending at a finger pointing directly at Holly J. What was the "right" answer? No, that nothing had happened, or the truth? Would admitting everything save him or damn him?

"Clare, calm down. We'll go back to Fiona's and set everything straight…" Holly J offered. It was all falling down. The inevitable was coming and she didn't want Eli to take all the blame.

"I was talking to _MY_ boyfriend and don't you think you've done enough damage? Why don't you stay out of something for once?" Clare said, her voice rising in anger. Holly J closed her mouth, thinking that now was not the time to push her luck with a retort. Spinner had taken up a comfortable position behind the counter, watching the entire scene go down with some slight amusement. Each second that passed between them gave Eli away more and more. It was now, whether he liked it or not.

"Yes. Something is going on between me and Holly J," he said, his voice small but confident. The effect was instantaneous; Clare's face crumpled into her hands, Alli having to lend a supporting shoulder, the gasp and whispers of tomorrow's gossip on the lips of the spectators, the four in the middle of the storm refusing to look anywhere really. Fi silently reached over and took hold of Adam's hand under the table, preparing for the backlash. "There was mistletoe at the Christmas party and I guess those feelings never really went away…"

"Wait, the Christmas party?" Alli asked, a little confused. She fished her phone from her purse and clicked it a few times, bringing up the photo from New Years Eve, handing it to Holly J. She inspected it, cursing under her breath before handing it off to Eli, who reacted in much the same way. Soon enough, others had their phones out, scouring the website to see the photo for themselves.

"New Years wasn't the first time. We had a fight earlier in the week and we made up that night…" Holly J tried to explain, not that it would make anything better, but she felt that if they were going public with this thing, the story should be straight at least. No use in giving the people half a story and letting their imaginations fill in the rest.

"I trusted you! I gave you time and space to get over her! I was fine with you going for coffee and rekindling your friendship with her! I blatantly asked you if I needed to be worried and you told me no! You lied to me! How could you do that?" Clare yelled, her eyes shining with tears, the pain painting a mask of red across her face. Eli could barely hold her gaze at this point, but he knew he had to. She deserved that, if he couldn't give her anything else.

"I know. I'm sorry about that. I didn't want to ruin your Christmas."

"Like this is a whole lot better," Alli interjected.

"What about what your grandma said, is that true too?" Clare asked quickly before she could rethink if she really wanted to know. It took Eli a minute to remember what exactly Clare was referencing, and even then, he didn't want to admit it in front of everyone. School was already going to be hell for him tomorrow and he didn't need things to be any worse.

"Yes. We slept together the night before…" Holly J confessed, "and New Years Eve… and after the Christmas party." She could hear the whispers pick back up. This was just getting better and better for everyone who wasn't involved.

"You're such a little slut…" Clare managed to get out.

"Hey!" Eli exclaimed, his own voice rising, "She is not a slut. I am just as much at fault for this as her, maybe more because I tried to hide it from you. I'm sorry that you found out like this and not from me first, Clare."

"That's why you didn't go home that night! You were with her!" the realization was just starting to form in her head, "And so you two had to have known," she said to Fiona and Adam, "You knew and you didn't tell me?"

"Don't be mad at them. It wasn't their story to tell. They're innocent; they didn't want to get in the middle of all of this," Holly J defended. She wasn't about to let her best friend get dragged through the mud for her actions, "Fiona and Adam weren't happy about it but they were just keeping with our wishes. Both of us thought it was just going to be a one time thing."

"And that's supposed to make it better?" Clare spit out, "Oh, then it's okay because he only cheated once and it's never going to happen again!"

"No, that's not what I meant…"

"You know what, Holly J? I know that your pretty boy sugar daddy got smart and died on you but that doesn't give you license to go around sleeping with other people's boyfriends," Clare interrupted. It was Fi who stood from her chair first, Adam having to keep a hand on her to keep her from tearing Clare apart. Eli looked at the floor, thoroughly disgusted with what just came from Clare's mouth. Holly J was just numb.

"How DARE you talk about Declan like that! My brother loved her until that day came and even then, he would only want her to be happy. You have NO RIGHT," Fi screamed at her, drawing every bit of attention to her, "Holly J is my sister and if Eli makes her happy, then I'm going to support her, no matter how it happens. Save yourself any further embarrassment and leave. NOW."

Not a breath was exhaled during those moments. Every other person disappeared, every tongue silenced. Alli's hand was holding onto Clare's, their knuckles white. Adam looked terrified, Fi was silently daring Clare to speak, Holly J's heart was on the floor, the cracks from mentioning Declan threatening to break her. She knew that Clare was angry, and deservedly so, but having Declan used against her like that was low. Eli's eyes looked over her, at her tragedy of the past year, remembering how she looked when he first met her, how her crimson strands came loose around her face when she stared into nothingness, just feeling pain and confusion, how the sight took his breath away in it's beauty. That day, at the funeral home, he fell in love with her, but he didn't know it yet. He remembered how she almost walked out on him when they were in his room and how it horrified him, how badly he wanted to reach out and hold her when she innocently laid on his bed and gave him a chance. He remembered how his heart raced when she looked at him, her smile radiant against the dark of the night when they were at Sav's party, and how he couldn't believe that she actually chose him to be with. The memories of the summer flooded his brain, the pain of her leaving coursing through his veins, the four months before she came back blurring together into nothingness. She made him live again the moment she turned around in the hallway at school. Holly J brought him back to life.

"We're done here," he voiced with confidence, looking up and meeting Clare's gaze as he reached down and took Holly J's hand in his own, smoothing his thumb over her delicate skin. She shook herself out from the depths of her head, the painful memories receding and looked up at Eli, giving a reassuring. He was the only one who could ever put her back together.

The world snapped back into focus around them as Clare clenched her jaw, taking her exit without another word. The voices returned and with them, the clicks of cell phone keyboards as the texts flew around. Holly J's eyes just managed to catch Sav's, the confusion and concern being written all over his face. She could only hope that he didn't judge her too harshly for her actions and secrets. It wasn't supposed to blow up like this, but hopefully there could be more than one happy ending.

"Oh, go get her," she said to him with a little smile and he could only chuckle and nod before he stood and took his own leave.

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><p><strong>AN: Take a breath. One more chapter left. Now, I have a third part to the series planned, but I really have no idea if I have the energy to write it. Plus, I have a ton of other short ficlets that I have bouncing around my head and I've been promising Steff that I would write a Dolly J fix for about a year now. It's a crowded place in there. So, dear readers, what should I write next? Comment and let me know! Thanks for reading and reviews!**


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't even own half the iPad that half of this chapter was written on.

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><p>The rumors started flying around the school as soon as it was back in session, fueled in part by Eli and Fiona's presentation of their play proposal. Clare and Alli were attached at the hip, spending every spare moment huddled away, resisting answering any prying questions from bystanders. Eli admitted that he was a little relieved that Clare wasn't playing up the victim card and all that were involved, even Alli, pretty much kept their mouths shut. It didn't really matter though. Everything had been exposed that day at The Dot.<p>

Still, Eli decided to hold his head high. He never cared what anyone thought of him before, so why should he start caring now? He had made his bed, so to speak, and now he was going to lay in it. Girls, mostly ones that knew Clare, threw dirty looks at him in the hallways while a few curious guys in the locker rooms asked how he was able to pull it off. This was the question that he hated the most. He wasn't proud of how he handled the entire thing and if he could go back, he would have broken up with Clare a long time ago, maybe even not have gotten back together with her at all. He was never really hers. He was always Holly J's.

Holly J was a little more reserved about it all. After all, she was the mistress in this situation, the harlot that stole Eli Goldsworthy away from Saint Clare... at least, that's what everyone thought. Eli may have to deal with the day to day of it, but every time she showed her face from now on, there would be a reputation that would precede her. She could only hope that by the time she came back for the summer, some new scandal would take her place. Her only real regret was that Fiona and Adam got dragged into it. Clare was talking to Adam, but only if their school work was involved. Despite Holly J's defense, Clare didn't trust Adam anymore and she could tell that he was hurt. Fi even tried to talk to Clare, to tell her how she and Adam had reacted when they found out, how they didn't approve of what Eli and Holly J were doing, but it was no use. Clare had made up her mind.

Friday had rolled around and Eli sighed in relief, at least momentarily. He would have two days without eyes throwing daggers at him, reprieve from the whispers and rumors. Still, he couldn't be entirely happy. Holly J was leaving to go back to school the next day and it would be months before he got to see her again. He had begged her all week to allow him to take her out tonight, to have one last night out in the city, but even that she refused. Not one to let that spoil the moment, Eli had something else up his sleeve.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked as he stood in the living room of Fiona's condo.

"You guys are leaving? I just ordered a sashimi platter for all of us," Fi complained, settling into the couch next to Adam. The four of them had gotten accustomed to staying in the last few days so she had ordered food and a few movies, despite Adam's objections.

"Seriously, we can just stay in tonight, Eli," Holly J said as she grabbed her purse and put on her gloves, "I'll only be gone two months, it's not a big deal."

"I want to take you out and make tonight nice. I want to spend our last night together," and he took a step forward, wrapping his arms around her waist, kissing a smile onto her face. They both had to admit that it was nice to not have to hide, to be able to kiss and not worry about someone finding out.

"Eww, get a room, you two," Adam gagged.

"Well, we would but I don't think Fi would be okay with it," Holly J giggled between kisses and Fi just threw a pillow at them.

"No, thank you. Once was enough." Eli smirked at them and took Holly J's hand, leading her out of the condo and down to a waiting Morty. Dusk was just starting to settle around them, making Eli drive a little faster than usual. He had to get there before the dark came or else things would be ten times harder. Holly J knitted her eyebrows together in slight confusion. Eli hadn't told her where they were going, only that they weren't really going out, but they were driving further and further away from the city center. As he pulled down a side street and parked on the side of the road, it all clicked.

"It's been awhile," she said lightly, securing the scarf Cece gave to her more firmly. This was bound to be cold.

"Four months..." Eli responded as he got out of the car, helping her out too.

"Well, five now."

"I guess so," Eli thought out loud. The two walked along the path, the stillness of the woods drowning out even their loudest thoughts. However, despite the time, it didn't seem to be getting darker around them. If anything, it was getting lighter. Holly J pushed a branch out of her way and the statue was revealed, illuminated by strands of white Christmas lights hanging from the trees overhead. Set out in front of their palm was a thick blanket, a thermos on top of it and a small container.

Holly J looked back at Eli, words escaping her. He stood there, gazing back at her. The smile that spread across her face was brighter than any of the lights around them and all the words he needed to know how she felt. It wasn't anything fancy, a huge gesture of love, but it was theirs from the moment that he first brought her here. He nodded and took her hand, leading her forward into the clearing and gently down to the frozen forest floor.

"You did all of this?" she finally got out as he poured hot chocolate into two mugs for them.

"Well, me with some help from Adam... and my mom," he admitted, "I figured that this is where it all started... and then ended, so we needed to give it a new happy memory." Holly J sipped on the warm liquid and looked around. The startues themselves still held a light layer of snow, softening some of their weather-worn imperfections and the lights gave everything a gilded glow.

"This is a much, much better memory than before," she mused and Eli smiled, opening the container and taking out two forks.

"Cake?" he offered and she giggled, gladly accepting the dessert. Eli had planned a wintertime picnic for them.

"Did you make it?" she asked as she took a bite. The sweet chocolate and creamy vanilla mixed, satisfying her from the inside out. It was good and homemade, for sure. It was by far the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her.

"That's where my mom helped..." he responded, a little embarassed. Holly J smiled and kissed him lightly, rewarding his effort.

"I love it. Thank you," she said and Eli looked up, meeting her gaze, "And just think, if I get this internship, we'll have a whole summer together again." Eli swallowed down his hot chocolate, absorbing her words. To be honest, he wasn't even thinking about the summer anymore. He wasn't thinking about when he was going to see her next or counting down the days. He knew this was forever.

"... and then the next four years or so," he said quietly but seriously. His heart was pounding in his chest and he was sure she could hear it in the silence. Holly J looked up from her own hot chocolate, stopping short. He couldn't read her expression. Was she happy? Angry? Did she even get what he was talking about?

"Did you get into Yale?" she asked, slightly confused but still letting the excitement get to her. She didn't even know that he applied, or that he could pull the grades to get in.

"No, not Yale..." and her face fell just that quickly, "I got into the creative writing program at Southern Connecticut State University and that's where I want to go, if that's okay with you." She nearly knocked him over, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, spilling a bit of the hot chocolate. Eli just laughed a little, snaking his own arms over her waist and holding her tightly, pulling her into his lap.

"Yes! Yes, of course I want you to go! That's, like, right across town from Yale! When did you find out?"

"They day we went to get coffee when you got back. I wanted to tell you so badly all month, but I wasn't sure if you would be happy about it and then everything with Clare started falling apart..." Holly J interrupted him with a kiss, just being so happy that they weren't going to have to survive on calls over Skype and breaks from school. They could get lunch together, hang out after class, spend endless weekends where neither one had to leave. They could be together, making a life for each other. That meant more to her than anything else in the world. Suddenly, she pulled back, taking his face gently in her hands and meeting his eyes.

"I love you, Eli."

"I love you too, Holly J."

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><p><strong>AN: And that's it. It's done… but is it over? Of course not! I have much, much more planned for these two and you can be sure that I will be writing them! But, unfortunately, I can't tell you when to expect those. I do need a little bit of a break so I don't completely burn out. I want to write a little ficlet that will take place between this one and part three. The best way to know when I'm working on those and when they are posted is to follow me on Tumblr! Hysteria87. And talk to me! I love talking with my readers so much. I wouldn't have been able to get through this story without Corissa and Steff. Those two were always ready to listen whenever I needed someone, even if there were some slight spoilers. All of you are fantastic and I just want to thank you for giving this pairing a chance. I know a lot of the fandom has a hard time swallowing down crackships so thank you for sticking it out and exploring these two with me. I love you all more than you know. Thank you.**


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